So it's 4:48 am. i woke up at 4:00 and could not get myself to sleep. when i usually wake up at around this time of day and can't find additional sleep necessary, or just find it a chore, i lift my concerns to the Lord. Even though i don't feel any anxieties nor worries, i can always learn or relearn a good handful of things to pray for; these are genuine things that hide themselves under the surface of daily reality mundane. many of them, not all, are byproducts of my subconscious and amazingly feeble efforts to try and fit in. I know and understand that a square peg will never ever go through a perfectly circular hole of equal diameter. but when will i believe this and stop trying to force it?
rarely, or perhaps too often, i wonder if i'm psychotic. i'm serious as one can possibly be. probably thinking like this is proof that i am. these days, mentally speaking, i can tell that i've been dusting things under the rug. and don't ask about the details. i don't feel like going into details. and there i go again, dusting it under the rug.
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