i am tired

i'm tired. tired of looking at computers all day. tired of working in general. tired of stopping at traffic lights. tired of being the only one who uses turn signals. tired of buying petroleum. tired of waiting at the petrol pump watching the dollars go up.

i'm too tired of thinking about things; like oil changes, paying bills, and relationships. too tired am i, of living in dallas. too tired of not fitting well in any place. too tired of being misunderstood and being misread.

the straws i hold in my hand are few now. and the pages of this book are coming to an end. i long for stability. i long for comfort. i long for consistency. i want discernment. i want trust. i want honesty. i want transparency. but it looks like i won't be finding them any time soon.

i am tired.