The meaning of travel

This October 9th of 2009 will be the Best of Egypt trip via GAP Adventures. Can't wait.

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” - Miriam Beard

Best of Africa.

Trip to Egypt, Africa.
Going with Dr. Alice King & family and Laurie & Wendy.
Should be a blast, minus the bed bugs.

Beautiful

This girl, this lady, woman, this angel. Her name, Alyssa. Her hair, a dark brown silk. Her smile, incredibly contagious. And her eyes, her best feature, like two fluttering butterflies.

With our eyes locked and a mutual smile exchanged, my heart became captivated; my soul constantly haunted by her.

Strangely I feel great joy for her even though she is taken. Taken by some incredibly lucky man. No man should be so lucky, so endowed, to have such a beautiful creature to hold in his arms.

Here's to what might've been, what should've been, and what never will be. Here's to the most beautiful, inside and out, Native American Scottish woman. The most incredible girl on earth.

Have a good life.

2009 - the year i woke up.

In March 2009 i learned, realized, that im selfish and loveless. Im so incredibly self-centered without a care in the world for friend or family. Looking back thru all the years proves it. There is no doubt that im the worst human being alive.

So now i suffer the great pain that is lovelessness - the lack of love. This absense had not been known before. But for a moment i had the grace of knowing this beautiful thing. And now that beauty is gone, and so now I suffer the loss. It left a giant chasm, a gian crater of emptiness. So now my life is not in balance. I am now aware. And it hurts. It hurts like hell.

Why Can't I Open Up?

What's wrong with me? I mean seriously, what the hell is wrong with me!? I don't know a good thing when I see it. A bright, funny, and pretty girl basically serves herself to me on a silver plate and yet I don't take it. What the FREAK is wrong with me? Why was I so reluctant? Why was I so cautious, so timid, ... so stupid?

I'm tired of learning from my mistakes. I'm tired of feeling my heart squeezed so tight that tears come out of my eyes. Even as I write this now I feel the rolling waves of pain, the aftermath of a severed connection with another body and soul. But the real burden is not because of MY loss. No, the real burden is knowing that the other person is, just like me, crying from the inside out.

In a way it's all childish. We should all just stop this at once and begin basking in the glow of knowing that two people love each other. But I understand that this is not a perfect world. We tend to complicate things. Pride and selfishness gets in the way. Fears and anxieties kick in. Protocols and expectations interfere. Essentially, we play games.

Heaven forbid this be my destiny - a life of solitude. Partnerless, loveless solitude.

Fighting genetics till the day I die.

Some people are blessed with a full set of hair. A long, long time ago I was taught how you can predict whether someone will be bald or not. Basically if you have a big forehead then you are doomed for a receding hairline. On the other hand, a small forehead (a lower hairline) indicates that you are blessed and that you will likely never go bald.

I've been doing a ton of research on what makes us bald. And although genetics has a lot to do with it, it seems like there is hope in that there could be outside controllable factors that contribute to one's going bald. There are two major things i'd like to mention here: DHT and sebum. Both ingredients adversely affect the health of hair follicles.

To this day I've probably spend more than $1000, easily, on hair growth products such as Provillus, Procerin, Rogaine, Nioxin...etc. That figure doubles when you factor in all the desperate products my father spent. But today I spent another fortune on a new and promising product called Profollicle. My hopes are up from the splendid reviews and I will try my best to keep them up because of that almighty (and very real) placebo effect.

The sad thing is that a long, long time ago I fell on my head, and so I have a a malformed (cracked and dented) skull. So I can't just shave my head, even though I really want to. Maybe I should just wear hats.

Ramblings

thinking about applying for the FBI, just for kicks, so i can learn basic tactical hands-on combat and guns, so i can learn how to shoot and reload a gun.

I see how some people i know are always on the road, traveling, looks like they always seem to have fun. I see this as they travel around the world while posting snapshots of their experience on facebook. im sure they can't be saving too much money. meaning less for retirement and all that luxury and jazz. is it worth it, to live now while you are still young? absolutely.

So im thinking about doing another trip. a longer trip this time, longer than a mere 2 weeks. thinking about going to Tibet with my brother, then climb Mt Kilaminjaro, then go visit Iran (via tour, the only way for us Americans), then possibly some other exoctic local, like the Great Barrier Reed (do some long awaited SCUBA diving).

I'm saving like a pack rate, but for what? If our world as we know it will come to an end circa 2012, why save all this wealth? It will be useless come the "end of the world". Anyway, i better start living now then later.