Distracted.

I've been distracted by a couple of off-tangent books that I found on the floor during kendo class. Instead of spending quality time with Steinbeck I've taken a slight detour with Lois Lowry and Kurt Vonnegut.

Slaughter-House-Five, a silly anti-war book, doesn't even come close. But it is barely passable for good reading. So I'm reading it although I've always ended up taking a nap during that magical moment. Gathering Blue on the other hand sounds much more interesting and I can't wait for it.

Tomorrow morning I'm on an early morning flight to Chicago from Houston, for training. Like all company-sponsored events it should be a social blast with plenty of alcohol. Unfortunately im not a big fan of alcohol. Trust me, I've learned my lesson(s) when I passed out on the beach and missed the entire morning program down in Florida.

Every night I've seen a Rocky movie in my hotel room. It's crazy - every freakin' night some version of Rocky is on the tube. What's even crazier is that I always end up watching it. But i love it.

At this point in life I have every thing to lose and nothing to gain. Nothing to show for and every thing to hide from. At this point, at this point in life, there are a few things that can change the world around for the better.

Turning 30.

I bore through my first earthquake this past week in California, and although I was oblivious to it when it occured it sure was pretty scary afterward when I had time to think about it. I never realized that when the earth shakes it is loud.

I am turning 30 in a few days but it won't feel any different because I've already been feeling the signs of age. Sad thing is that things will only gradually get worse from here on out. And life on earth just got shorter and will always continue to be as we each realize how precious and how short a lifetime really is.


I was lucky to witness a fabulous display of lightening from above the misty cloud plains in the sky. It was a totally wicked and spectacular dance of killer lights.

I spent significant time with the heavenly stars while lying face-up on the powdery beaches of Hollywood, FL. The cool and salty night air kept me company as it moved endlessly about me while the faint piercing light rays from some billion light years ago shone on my body. The warm salty emerald sea ate away at my detoxing body keeping me warm with its comforting and massaging waves. I didn't want to leave that sandy beach so infinitely soft, that bed in which I slept on while the very same stars I was watching were watching over me.

I think that life is good. But I think that it can be better. Not talking about money, love, vanity, or immortality. Talking about purpose, or the sense of it. I lost my purpose and sense in life. I don't know what it is any more. I don't know what it means any more. I guess to distract me from this unavoidable hole in my consciousness I try to fill it with great literature.

I finished another great masterpiece of Steinbeck. I read the last page over and over several times. I had to savor it again and again just so I could relive that moment in time when the words and their meanings become just as real, if not more, than life's existence itself. At this stage in my life Steinbeck's works has become my compass. It is showing and teaching me things through the lives and consequences of others.

I need at this time more of the good things in life such as food, love, and purpose. So this is my quest this year, on this brand new age of me, to discover more about me. Funny, scary, ridiculous, and psychotic as this may sound I don't know who I am.

I was suggested to read some literature authored by Freud. I never took that advice seriously. Perhaps this new line of reading will open up something about me. And so I guess I need to hit the bookstore.