What a unique Christmas this has been. I learned this time that I'm surrounded by masks - disguise-wearing lies that dance while looking down and shunning every thing good and holy and pure. Officially my life is innocent like a child no more. And after all this I feel so much regret and so much sorrow for Mother, because she seems like the only source of warmth-giving light.
I've never seen a perfect marriage. Doubt I ever will. There's lots of pain associated with it. Complacencies, betrayals, nelgects, affairs - such evils seem all too common in today's twisted and rotting societies. I'd rather just die and enjoy the journey. But of course that ain't happenin'. I'm not lucky enough.
Tainted and corrupted is me for I anxiously seek the ready pleasures of the world. Decayed and withered is my heart for I growingly refuse to believe in a heaven that is a giant cube.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Extremists in general and the way of the sword
At this sliced peeping view into my life, I'd say avoid extremists. There are always two sides. And I say that either say is not a good place to be, although both sides will say otherwise. Don't be a sheep with perfectly good eyes who's blinded by those who are far out there. I'm being too general, way too general. Unless you know what I'm talking I'm just wasting my time and your time.
The way of the sword - I don't understand what this means. I'm not soaking any of this "warrior spirit" bull crapness. I'm not training to be an efficient killer who can cut a man in two from the top of his head to his torso, though that is what some swordsmen might have you assuaded.
I am in the middle. I am neutral. I am a healthy skeptic to every thing and every one. No, I am not lukewarm - don't be foolish to misinterpret me. I am at peace. I am with joy. I am a human being.
The way of the sword - I don't understand what this means. I'm not soaking any of this "warrior spirit" bull crapness. I'm not training to be an efficient killer who can cut a man in two from the top of his head to his torso, though that is what some swordsmen might have you assuaded.
I am in the middle. I am neutral. I am a healthy skeptic to every thing and every one. No, I am not lukewarm - don't be foolish to misinterpret me. I am at peace. I am with joy. I am a human being.
Friday, December 15, 2006
An Avanade Christmas Gathering.
So I had my first major networking event with Avanade, the consulting firm that I now work for.
Lot's of cool, hip peeps, them Avanauts. I met my recruiters for the first time since going thru the recruiting process, which was nice. Met my career manager, Toshi, which was cool too. Met new folks, which was fun of course. It was awesome to finally put faces to a company that operates thru virtual offices.
The bar was endless and on the house. This of course meant that I had a Blueberry Margarita, a Rum & Coke, a Greyhound, and a Heinekin. I really needed this too because today especially was a stressful day, even though I worked from home. I met someone who seemed genuinely interested in martial arts, spirituality, and justice for the poor. I have a hunch she was just trying to stir some interest. Anyway, if it wasn't for this party I'd be with a highschool girl friend (not girlfriend) drinking cocktails at a very local club. Small world, because I learned not too long ago that she lives one block away. And she happens to work from home on Fridays, just like me.
Lot's of cool, hip peeps, them Avanauts. I met my recruiters for the first time since going thru the recruiting process, which was nice. Met my career manager, Toshi, which was cool too. Met new folks, which was fun of course. It was awesome to finally put faces to a company that operates thru virtual offices.
The bar was endless and on the house. This of course meant that I had a Blueberry Margarita, a Rum & Coke, a Greyhound, and a Heinekin. I really needed this too because today especially was a stressful day, even though I worked from home. I met someone who seemed genuinely interested in martial arts, spirituality, and justice for the poor. I have a hunch she was just trying to stir some interest. Anyway, if it wasn't for this party I'd be with a highschool girl friend (not girlfriend) drinking cocktails at a very local club. Small world, because I learned not too long ago that she lives one block away. And she happens to work from home on Fridays, just like me.
Friday, December 8, 2006
A Snapshot of My Life on December 8, 2006
This is the first I am writing about because it just so happens to be the first thing on my mind right now. No, I'm not a workaholic, at least not yet; but it has been on the forefront of me for a month now. It is my 1 month anniversary at Avanade. Just when I get comfortable being at wherever I'm located, whether it be at a remote client location or at home, I wake up the next day only to catch a plane, again. Invested with deep pockets on my career though, I'm heavily vested now. What a very wonderful thing for a guy who can't make up his stubborn little mind. This'll keep me grounded.
In general, my days of jeans and sneakers for work are over. A new era of leather-laced shoes, cotton-twilled fabric, and button-down dress shirts freshly pressed is the call of the day. Okay, maybe not that fancy all week, but I do like to mix it up with some business casual.
Not to go the same route as my last short-lived career, I am keeping occupied and distracted by a new and unfamiliar sport - Japanese fencing, aka Kendo. It's been 3-4 weeks as a beginner. It takes much more discipline than strength, reflex, or stamina. This is going to be good for me, I can tell. So when my sensei says I'm ready, I will invest in $500-$600 worth of armor - clothing and other equipment not included. Again, this level of involvment in Kendo will not see the light of day until my feet are graceful, my body brain-washed, and my mind distant and focused. Good thing I'm still clumsy like an ox, hungry like a hippo, and clueless like a squirrel - I can't afford Kendo.
In general, my days of jeans and sneakers for work are over. A new era of leather-laced shoes, cotton-twilled fabric, and button-down dress shirts freshly pressed is the call of the day. Okay, maybe not that fancy all week, but I do like to mix it up with some business casual.
Not to go the same route as my last short-lived career, I am keeping occupied and distracted by a new and unfamiliar sport - Japanese fencing, aka Kendo. It's been 3-4 weeks as a beginner. It takes much more discipline than strength, reflex, or stamina. This is going to be good for me, I can tell. So when my sensei says I'm ready, I will invest in $500-$600 worth of armor - clothing and other equipment not included. Again, this level of involvment in Kendo will not see the light of day until my feet are graceful, my body brain-washed, and my mind distant and focused. Good thing I'm still clumsy like an ox, hungry like a hippo, and clueless like a squirrel - I can't afford Kendo.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Giving Blogging Another Try
This blog was formerly deprecated (no longer in service) as I found it to be distracting and an annoyance to my daily living. This is still evident with the previous "Dead End" post.
I rediscovered why I decided to do this blog thing in the first place. Yes, I still can't really see myself blogging when I'm 50, but alas, I think it be worth it to have something like this to look back upon, when I am 50 or 100.
I found great value in reading back on some of my entries, back from more cheerful times. Entries that particularly struck me with smiles were from my NJ/NY experience. And I guess that is why I am choosing to continue on this, so that when I am older and hopefully wiser I can look back and measure just how stupid and naive I was.
I rediscovered why I decided to do this blog thing in the first place. Yes, I still can't really see myself blogging when I'm 50, but alas, I think it be worth it to have something like this to look back upon, when I am 50 or 100.
I found great value in reading back on some of my entries, back from more cheerful times. Entries that particularly struck me with smiles were from my NJ/NY experience. And I guess that is why I am choosing to continue on this, so that when I am older and hopefully wiser I can look back and measure just how stupid and naive I was.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
the end zone.
Yes it is american football season, again. And yes, this year the Dallas Cowboys do look better than ever. But I'm not talking about foot end zones. I'm talking about the end of this blog. Have you ever wondered what it would be like when you're like 40 or 50? Would you still be blogging? Would you still surf the internet, check your email? Would you have a computer and live a wired or a connected lifestyle? It's hard to imagine any of that for me. So yeah it's been fun bloggin'. I must admit at some points in my life this place was a blessed place to just vent or to just entertain (myself). But all this online stuff is getting old. I don't need to blog any more.
Monday, September 4, 2006
About war and life comforts.
It's the day before the 5th anniversary of the fallen WTC twin towers. My last minute plan to visit ground zero one last time is thwarted by my inadequate preparations for Monday's examination. Well actually it's been derailed because I am unable to effectively coax any of my colleagues-with-a-car to take me.
So today is the Dallas Cowboys kickoff. I actually believe they'll go far this season. Meanwhile I'm watching a suspense/thriller movie which is curiously provoking my innate instinct to secure a good living. It's directly related to being happy working in an otherwise unhappy environment, like working with computers all day, every day. Excluding the security of stable income and ample luxuries it's a bit more complicated than that. I find myself growing older - of course we all do - but in tangible waysy. I guess what I'm trying to convey here is that you (we) should not allow ourselves or others to deprive us of our comforts. If you're comfortable in a small comfort zone then certainly you've all the rights to remain in your selectively permeable bubble. So go ahead, eat your comfort foods and watch your comfort movies.
So today is the Dallas Cowboys kickoff. I actually believe they'll go far this season. Meanwhile I'm watching a suspense/thriller movie which is curiously provoking my innate instinct to secure a good living. It's directly related to being happy working in an otherwise unhappy environment, like working with computers all day, every day. Excluding the security of stable income and ample luxuries it's a bit more complicated than that. I find myself growing older - of course we all do - but in tangible waysy. I guess what I'm trying to convey here is that you (we) should not allow ourselves or others to deprive us of our comforts. If you're comfortable in a small comfort zone then certainly you've all the rights to remain in your selectively permeable bubble. So go ahead, eat your comfort foods and watch your comfort movies.
The pioneers of a warless world
are the youth that refuse military service.
-Albert Einstein
They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting
to die for one's country.
But in modern war, there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying.
You will die like a dog for no good reason.
- Ernest Hemmingway
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
new fireman and youtube plagiarism
Congratulations to my brother William for taking the bold steps to living out his dream job, being a fireman.
I discovered today while checking out a newly posted comment that somebody on YouTube had the nerve to "rip" one of my videos and then resubmit it as her own. What makes me mad is that she racked up over 1000 views, which means my original video has 1000 less potential views.
Plagiarism is bad, very very bad. I'm not going to rest until I get my justice.
Original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wasYNNfnfVE
Plagiarised: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uO75ErWIOw
I discovered today while checking out a newly posted comment that somebody on YouTube had the nerve to "rip" one of my videos and then resubmit it as her own. What makes me mad is that she racked up over 1000 views, which means my original video has 1000 less potential views.
Plagiarism is bad, very very bad. I'm not going to rest until I get my justice.
Original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wasYNNfnfVE
Plagiarised: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uO75ErWIOw
Sunday, August 27, 2006
A Fish in the sea.
It's nearly 1 am Monday morning here as I lay in bed trying with all my might to put myself to sleep so I can be fresh and ready for the ADO exam. But my mind is racing like an ancient Roman chariot race. Is it exam anxiety? Is it my diet? Or could it be the 5 o'clock cup of coffee I had Sunday afternoon? In any case I can't sleep, so I'm now hand-picking one of them racing chariots and disassembling it, hoping it'll bore me to sleep. Here goes nothing....
Fishing is a lot like living. We can sit and wait if we want. We can also stand or walk around while we wait, if we want. We can be restless and try different baits and hooks and different fishing spots to try and maximize our yield. There's traditional fishing with hooks and weights. There's fly-fishing where you swing the fishing line around your head like a cowboy. And of course there's the myriad of lures at your disposal. But it's all fishing.
Now every once in a while, some more often than others, the fisherman will get a nibble on the other end of the line. The whole thing is like a prehistoric dance; an ancient discourse between equals; a never ending ritual between predator and prey. The reflexive reaction to those soft and hard nibbles, the physical struggle that immediately follows the successful yank and pull, the familiar yet never old emotions, the miniscule yet highly addictive adrenaline, and the thousand other biochemical reactions that are fired within the blink of an eye when that instantaneous slice of time of connecting with the unseen from another dimenion in what always seems like the very first time - I think it is one of the greatest feelings of this world.
Fishing is a lot like living. We can sit and wait if we want. We can also stand or walk around while we wait, if we want. We can be restless and try different baits and hooks and different fishing spots to try and maximize our yield. There's traditional fishing with hooks and weights. There's fly-fishing where you swing the fishing line around your head like a cowboy. And of course there's the myriad of lures at your disposal. But it's all fishing.
Now every once in a while, some more often than others, the fisherman will get a nibble on the other end of the line. The whole thing is like a prehistoric dance; an ancient discourse between equals; a never ending ritual between predator and prey. The reflexive reaction to those soft and hard nibbles, the physical struggle that immediately follows the successful yank and pull, the familiar yet never old emotions, the miniscule yet highly addictive adrenaline, and the thousand other biochemical reactions that are fired within the blink of an eye when that instantaneous slice of time of connecting with the unseen from another dimenion in what always seems like the very first time - I think it is one of the greatest feelings of this world.
Homesick for Texas
This hotel in the middle of nowhere, aka East Hanover, NJ, is a funny place. Yesterday there were these grown up men wearing tutu's and ballerina outfits. They were caught dancing out in the back of the hotel to the tune of the music that goes "I'm so excited!..."
Today the lobby is like a zoo full of people with children in boarding school trying to get their kids on the straight path and with adults dancing to 80's music dressed in ballroom outfits.
Anyway I came here to voice my concerns of rampant anti-Texas sentiment all across the U.S. of A. People just think they're better than Texans. These people are arrogant and they talk boldly and blasphemously as if their heads were filled with explosive hydrogen or something. For this I think the state of Texas should declare independence from the union. No, I'm not a member of the confederate, never was never will be. Repeat to yourself and visualize the word Texas. No other state has a name with that kind of ringing, poignant charm.
Fortunately every once in a while I do meet sane people. Thank God for that.
Today the lobby is like a zoo full of people with children in boarding school trying to get their kids on the straight path and with adults dancing to 80's music dressed in ballroom outfits.
Anyway I came here to voice my concerns of rampant anti-Texas sentiment all across the U.S. of A. People just think they're better than Texans. These people are arrogant and they talk boldly and blasphemously as if their heads were filled with explosive hydrogen or something. For this I think the state of Texas should declare independence from the union. No, I'm not a member of the confederate, never was never will be. Repeat to yourself and visualize the word Texas. No other state has a name with that kind of ringing, poignant charm.
Fortunately every once in a while I do meet sane people. Thank God for that.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
A home away from home.
I can't believe it, i'm 60% almost done with this graduate program and i'm not even really home sick. I feel like i'm home away from home, honest. The east coast was a cold and dreary place that existed only in my imagination. It turns out that this place, the east coast, is a charming place with charming landmarks and charming people. My mini-refrigerator is practically empty, practically. But I found that Baja Fresh that's just outside my window is a great place to eat and study. No, I think I lied, I am getting homesick a little.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Hell's Kitchen
This is my new favorite show. Hell's Kitchen. It keeps me on edge. Keeps my adrenlaine and anxiety up so high it would rival something like, oh, I don't know, sky diving? Yeah. Sky diving.
This show makes Iron Chef look like some goofy, silly, and totally flawed cooking show concocted in Japan.
Congratulations Heather. Some day I will visit the red rock casino and sample your special cooking.
This show makes Iron Chef look like some goofy, silly, and totally flawed cooking show concocted in Japan.
Congratulations Heather. Some day I will visit the red rock casino and sample your special cooking.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Waxing and being honest
Let's be honest. Some people, you can say, wax eloquently. But I prefer that we all just wax without the eloquence. It's less annoying and more effective. This seems to be true in the classroom, on the radio, behind the pulpit, face-to-face with a friend, face-to-face with a stranger.
I'm starting to settle down, not completely unlike water separating from oil after it's been shaken or stirred. What I mean is that "emerging" Christian churches along with its philosophies is not something I subscribe to. After internally struggling with this for some time I have come to said conclusion finally and only recently realized it. I think I made this decision by way of some bold and pure logic that preaches volumes on necessity and anti-waxing-with-eloquence.
I'm starting to settle down, not completely unlike water separating from oil after it's been shaken or stirred. What I mean is that "emerging" Christian churches along with its philosophies is not something I subscribe to. After internally struggling with this for some time I have come to said conclusion finally and only recently realized it. I think I made this decision by way of some bold and pure logic that preaches volumes on necessity and anti-waxing-with-eloquence.
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
NYC part deux
Saw much more of Central Park this time around. Yes we even got lost. Had my first NY falafel, in addition to the chicken kebab hotdog BBQ on a stick - yum. Saw the Statue of Liberty eclipse out the setting sun on our way to Statin Island by ferry. Actually got that on high-res video. Nice, very nice. Saw a congested Times Square because of some kind of weekend open-market. Saw the city from a bird's eye perspective from atop the Empire State building and got the best closeup video footage of pigeons feedings. Yes, that's right - pigeons feeding - on the Empire State building.
Friday, August 4, 2006
Splendid Friday.
Today (Friday) is the day our big library software project is due. After working on this day and night for this past week I feel relieved to have finally submitted this thing for grading. I feel like celebrating and enjoying my long-deserved weekend of sunshine and fresh air, and so I start to feel really good.....but only to fall, crumbling down in a dismal of thick black smoke and debris as I realize that this weekend is not a free one; for Monday is exam day.
In a suprising turn of astonishing events, I discovered somebody out there who is just like me?
http://insanityrediscovered.blogspot.com/2006/06/everything-wrong.html#links
The KISS principle (Keep It Simple Stupid), is not something I subscribe to, although I should, but only sometimes.
I'm hungry now. I ate a cup of Quaker oatmeal for lunch. But at the very least I consume a hearty and healthy breakfast like a king every day.
My personal pet project, tentatively called PeopleMap, will resume with its production starting Monday after the exam. PeopleMap is an online global "feature" that will be exactly what the blogger and photo-sharing demographic is looking for, I think. Oh what could it be oh what could it be??? Here's a hint: It's like xanga, flickr, and the movie "Pay It Forward" all rolled into one.
Now imagine that!
In a suprising turn of astonishing events, I discovered somebody out there who is just like me?
http://insanityrediscovered.blogspot.com/2006/06/everything-wrong.html#links
The KISS principle (Keep It Simple Stupid), is not something I subscribe to, although I should, but only sometimes.
I'm hungry now. I ate a cup of Quaker oatmeal for lunch. But at the very least I consume a hearty and healthy breakfast like a king every day.
My personal pet project, tentatively called PeopleMap, will resume with its production starting Monday after the exam. PeopleMap is an online global "feature" that will be exactly what the blogger and photo-sharing demographic is looking for, I think. Oh what could it be oh what could it be??? Here's a hint: It's like xanga, flickr, and the movie "Pay It Forward" all rolled into one.
Now imagine that!
Thursday, August 3, 2006
Is it craziness or laziness?
I've been told that the laundry machine on the 3rd floor takes 3 hours to wash clothes. I may have to put that rumor to the test as I haven't done laundry in a month.
I don't believe it. Even still, I can be quite an ass sometimes.
I don't believe it. Even still, I can be quite an ass sometimes.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Riddle me this
LsOVoEm eANpDe oTpIlMeE - hTaHEv eSE iAtRE THaEn dONsLoY mTe pWOTeHoIpNlGeS IN dALoL ntTHE
WO RLD A N D AL L O F L IF E T HA T C A NNO T B E B R OU GHT,
BU T O N LY SPE N T.
WO RLD A N D AL L O F L IF E T HA T C A NNO T B E B R OU GHT,
BU T O N LY SPE N T.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Shot by a pool shark
Today Chris got pulled over while barely driving out of his parking lane because I was sitting in the back of his truck (reading specs and requirements for our next big project). Fortunately they gave us a warning and let us go since we're all from out of state.
It is Bob's 22nd birthday today. So we crossed highway 10 on foot by running and crossing over the concrete median so we could get to the Chuckie Cheese that's across the street. We ate pizza and played games that made our arms really tired and took a picture with Chuckie Cheese himself. It was radical.
We played pool for several hours. It was amazing to see Alan, the resident farmer/pool shark, win 10 games in a row with little effort. We talked until 3:00am about chi energy, cancer, technology, history, and living life.
And fianlly, last night I couldn't sleep because a gang of 8-10 teenagers were outside fighting. The only odd thing about the whole thing was that they were fighting through the art of rapping. So they were basically rap fighting; making up phrases, slangs, and obsceneties on-the-fly.
It is Bob's 22nd birthday today. So we crossed highway 10 on foot by running and crossing over the concrete median so we could get to the Chuckie Cheese that's across the street. We ate pizza and played games that made our arms really tired and took a picture with Chuckie Cheese himself. It was radical.
We played pool for several hours. It was amazing to see Alan, the resident farmer/pool shark, win 10 games in a row with little effort. We talked until 3:00am about chi energy, cancer, technology, history, and living life.
And fianlly, last night I couldn't sleep because a gang of 8-10 teenagers were outside fighting. The only odd thing about the whole thing was that they were fighting through the art of rapping. So they were basically rap fighting; making up phrases, slangs, and obsceneties on-the-fly.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
The Garden State
Every license plate here says the Garden State. This place is definitely greener than where I'm from, and it feels sometimes like the Northwest. For the most part left turns do not exist here. Instead there are these things called "jug handles" which I kinda think is ingenious, yet at the same time totally ridiculous. Pizza's are noticeably bigger per slice and much thinner than what I'm used to. The bagels they serve here at my hotel are the size of baseball gloves, just about. Most locals I've met here are really friendly people. I know I've said that before but I'll continue to repeat myself as long as I continue to believe in it. The weather is pleasant, it rains frequently, and George W. Bush is generally hated. I really like the fact that there aren't a lot of supermarkets. I like it. Supermarket chains on every other corner is an eye-soar. At first there doesn't appear to be many places to eat, but soon enough little eateries seem to popup every where around you. I was told that a carnival-like place on a boardwalk next to the ocean exists within an hour from where I am. It's called Seaside something, or something like that. I've read about such magical places. I think I'll take a visit. The Garden State. What a magical place.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
What's life saying now?
The eastern coast of North America is a charming and loveable place. I'm not sure if I can say anything more that is worthwhile than that.
Looking back on things I can say a number of wise words for others and for myself as well.
First of all, don't let music, books, or movies affect how you approach and handle serious moments of your life. More often than not they'll leave you on a deserted island, all alone by yourself. Listen to your heart instead.
And last but not least, recognizing the pride in your heart is not enough to rid your heart of it.
Sometimes you have to be broken and experience pain before you can change for the better.
Looking back on things I can say a number of wise words for others and for myself as well.
First of all, don't let music, books, or movies affect how you approach and handle serious moments of your life. More often than not they'll leave you on a deserted island, all alone by yourself. Listen to your heart instead.
And last but not least, recognizing the pride in your heart is not enough to rid your heart of it.
Sometimes you have to be broken and experience pain before you can change for the better.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
long nails and the middle east crisis.
Years from now I will look back to the days when Israel fights back again Hezbollah, and it will remind me of very long fingernails. This has been the longest I've gone without cutting my nails. Just you and I, I cut my nails really close. Right now my nails are so long it feels and looks like I'm wearing fake nails. I guess it's about 1 to 2 cm in length.
I went home today lying down in the back of a pickup truck looking up at the sky. It was a nice, cool way to go home.
I went home today lying down in the back of a pickup truck looking up at the sky. It was a nice, cool way to go home.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
a routine weekday in east hanover.
East Hanover, I'm not even sure of the spelling, but it is a quiet little town. I'd say it's pretty much country-folk living here with a hint of the city lifestyle, just barely. My days are simple. It is so simple in fact that it is highly refreshing. I wake up to the tune of classical music on the radio at around 7 AM (it used to be a whining bell sound until i decided to do something about it and switch from the whining bell sound to the music sound on the radio). Ok so i wake up, I prepare myself, then i go down to the breakfast area to eat with 3 of my colleagues whom i carpool with - nice people from all across the country. It's a really cool sensation to know. I spend the day at the SetFocus institution then come home to my hotel. That's basically the jist of it. Excruciatingly simple. Incredibly elegant. Totally routine. And I'm soaking it, absorbing it, and loving it.
Likely we'll visit New York City this weekend to see the streets, the subways, the landmarks (definitely Ground Zero), to try out the street vendor foods, and try not to get mugged or pick-pocketed.
Finally, I saw Pee Wee's playhouse the TV show today. I just switched the channel to it on a random draw. I was blown away because I haven't seen that show in like 15 years, literally over a decade. Amazing. I totally forgot how goofy funny that man was in his weirdo creepy kinda way. He's also quite pale. Btw, the secret word for that episode was Time in case ya wanted to know, although I highly doubt it.
Likely we'll visit New York City this weekend to see the streets, the subways, the landmarks (definitely Ground Zero), to try out the street vendor foods, and try not to get mugged or pick-pocketed.
Finally, I saw Pee Wee's playhouse the TV show today. I just switched the channel to it on a random draw. I was blown away because I haven't seen that show in like 15 years, literally over a decade. Amazing. I totally forgot how goofy funny that man was in his weirdo creepy kinda way. He's also quite pale. Btw, the secret word for that episode was Time in case ya wanted to know, although I highly doubt it.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
one wise proverb.
There are many wise sayings. As you know you can find many good ones in fortune cookies. Here's one we all know but don't necessarily and consciously think about all the time. I think we should meditate on this everyday. So here's the proverb, it goes something like this:
You don't know what you have until you end up losing it.
You don't know what you have until you end up losing it.
A bloody nice weather ~
Today's overcast has a bit of a British flare - gloomy. but i like it because i've always envied the English for their overcast skies.
im typing this in the lobby with dogs barking in the background. this weekend a local New Jersey dog show came in to the hotel conference room and struted their stuff. there's also a lot of gatherings related to weddings. people seem so happy during those parties and get-togethers, esepcially the soon-to-be newly wed's. i fancy that.
we received our first project, a 40 page long technical spec. it's going to be a long week.
and what's up with Canadians flaunting their country flag everywhere they go? they must think they come from one of the best countries in the world or something.
im typing this in the lobby with dogs barking in the background. this weekend a local New Jersey dog show came in to the hotel conference room and struted their stuff. there's also a lot of gatherings related to weddings. people seem so happy during those parties and get-togethers, esepcially the soon-to-be newly wed's. i fancy that.
we received our first project, a 40 page long technical spec. it's going to be a long week.
and what's up with Canadians flaunting their country flag everywhere they go? they must think they come from one of the best countries in the world or something.
Sunday, July 9, 2006
it's gonna be a bright, sunny day
my study group downloads gigabytes of movies and other pirated software, burns it, but doesn't necessarily use it.
i walked around today cuz it was a gorgeous day. i found a chinese grocery store and got a jar of korean-style kimchi. for all you doctors and nurses out there, kimchi is not dangerous. so get over it.
so i basically hiked around trying to better know my community around my hotel. funny because my brother is hiking around on the other side of the world, in Australia, doing his extreme backpacking thing.
why do people call you so they can talk to you for a bit only to eventually put you on hold. it's the new breed of people with cell phones growing out of their ears. take my advice. when they put you on hold either YOU put them on hold in return, or hangup. honestly, it saves your minutes because they tend to keep you holding for longer than you would think.
i walked around today cuz it was a gorgeous day. i found a chinese grocery store and got a jar of korean-style kimchi. for all you doctors and nurses out there, kimchi is not dangerous. so get over it.
so i basically hiked around trying to better know my community around my hotel. funny because my brother is hiking around on the other side of the world, in Australia, doing his extreme backpacking thing.
why do people call you so they can talk to you for a bit only to eventually put you on hold. it's the new breed of people with cell phones growing out of their ears. take my advice. when they put you on hold either YOU put them on hold in return, or hangup. honestly, it saves your minutes because they tend to keep you holding for longer than you would think.
Saturday, July 8, 2006
New Jersey - Day 4.
I missed the 30 minute window for my flight out from DFW (dallas int'l airport). because of it i waited for 15 hours on standby. it was like the twilight zone in a way. when i arrive in denver, my transfer stop to LAX, i was put on standby for another 4 hours. my flight out of LA to NJ was delayed by Alaska airlines, so i had to be transfered to another airline. after waiting 5 hours i arrive for the 3:59P flight, except there was only one problem. the flight was for 3:10P. how i made that mistake i still do not know. very fortuantely the airline rep. was nice this time around and waited for me. i made it, and then i arrived in NJ 20 minutes till midnight. it took another 2 hours driving around in a fake cab until i finally arrive at my hotel.
my other meals are all rations. instant-food type. just add hot water or microwave or just open and eat. im talking cup-ramen noodles, canned pickled sesame leaves sardine-style, instant prepackaged korean rice, and as of yesterday canned tuna and vienna sausages. this beats eating out every day. and because of this terrible diet my body is demanding a day or two of detoxing via some form of fasting. i think i am experiencing problems either in my liver or more likely my gall bladder. wish i had pictures to prove all this, but i forget my the cable to transfer pictures.
my other meals are all rations. instant-food type. just add hot water or microwave or just open and eat. im talking cup-ramen noodles, canned pickled sesame leaves sardine-style, instant prepackaged korean rice, and as of yesterday canned tuna and vienna sausages. this beats eating out every day. and because of this terrible diet my body is demanding a day or two of detoxing via some form of fasting. i think i am experiencing problems either in my liver or more likely my gall bladder. wish i had pictures to prove all this, but i forget my the cable to transfer pictures.
Friday, July 7, 2006
from East Hanover, New Jersey.
i think it's been a while, but i think i should write.
flying over the country on the night of the nation's birthday (4th of July) is pretty spectacular.
im 85% complete w/ Candice Millard's 'A River of Doubt', a true adventure story starring Theodore Roosevelt. New Jersey weather is nice and so are the people. even the fake Eqyptian taxi driver in his bogus taxi cab who drove me around town before dropping me off my hotel for 150 clams but only after getting pulled over by mad cops because of his shitty Brooklyn-style driving, even he was incredibly nice. spending a week at an all-inclusive sweet 5-star hotel in Cancun can make anybody spoiled, even somebody painfully down-to-earth like me. this hotel in New Jersey feeds me like a king, but only for breakfast. it also keeps me well entertained with its two movie channels. going to school again is fun. not sure how im going to spend my first weekend here in the big NJ. i suppose getting an early breakfast like a king and then going back to my room to study for the monday's exam isn't a bad place to start.
hasta.
flying over the country on the night of the nation's birthday (4th of July) is pretty spectacular.
im 85% complete w/ Candice Millard's 'A River of Doubt', a true adventure story starring Theodore Roosevelt. New Jersey weather is nice and so are the people. even the fake Eqyptian taxi driver in his bogus taxi cab who drove me around town before dropping me off my hotel for 150 clams but only after getting pulled over by mad cops because of his shitty Brooklyn-style driving, even he was incredibly nice. spending a week at an all-inclusive sweet 5-star hotel in Cancun can make anybody spoiled, even somebody painfully down-to-earth like me. this hotel in New Jersey feeds me like a king, but only for breakfast. it also keeps me well entertained with its two movie channels. going to school again is fun. not sure how im going to spend my first weekend here in the big NJ. i suppose getting an early breakfast like a king and then going back to my room to study for the monday's exam isn't a bad place to start.
hasta.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
throwing away books
had time today. parked under a shady tree and left the door wide open. the sky is blue with lots of clouds. looks like a creamy blueberry milkshake. i sat silently for a minute until i felt the cool, strong wind wash me over. then i started to pray, provoked by God through the invisible molecules that is the air.
i sold all my books in my room. now my room looks and feels naked. at first i regreted doing it, not because i traded three boxes of books for nine dollars, but because i kinda felt slightly empty, just slightly. i kept a few books though: my collection of Arthur C. Clark novels and a red book called The Adventures of Tom Sawyer that i found buried underneath a pile of forgotten and abandoned books. i held on to the red book of Tom Sawyer because i received it from my mother, whom i love dearly, when i was a boy in grade school. i remember receiving it as a present but being disappointed that it was a book and moreover a book i had no interest in. so probably sometime in the fall of 2006, like in October, i will read that book from cover to cover. i've never read that story before.
i sold all my books in my room. now my room looks and feels naked. at first i regreted doing it, not because i traded three boxes of books for nine dollars, but because i kinda felt slightly empty, just slightly. i kept a few books though: my collection of Arthur C. Clark novels and a red book called The Adventures of Tom Sawyer that i found buried underneath a pile of forgotten and abandoned books. i held on to the red book of Tom Sawyer because i received it from my mother, whom i love dearly, when i was a boy in grade school. i remember receiving it as a present but being disappointed that it was a book and moreover a book i had no interest in. so probably sometime in the fall of 2006, like in October, i will read that book from cover to cover. i've never read that story before.
Monday, June 19, 2006
AT ONCE an incredible adventure narrative and a penetrating biographical portrait, The River of Doubt, is the true story of Theodore Roosevelt's harrowing exploration of one of the most dangerous rivers on earth.
by Candice Millard
This will be my new companion on my long flight from the west coast to the east. Should i keep my nose in the book or should i dare to look outside hoping to catch the bombs bursting in the air on that night of July 4th. if there be explosions they'll be explosions from another perspective, from another dimension. then again it's a big, thick book, so i should try and finish it on the one-way trip. i don't want to be tempted to read this book A River of Doubt while taking my classes. that's gotta be one heck of a motivation or one heck of a distraction. i'd probably get distracted since i have terrible stage fright ever since i was a baby. i remember i was terrified to look at a costumed character in the eye at disneyland, granted though it was a scary character (a wolf w/ big teeth). i still have that picture somewhere too. and i also remember being too shy in kindergarten, so most of my attention went to a giant stuffed teddy bear where all the books were. hmm, maybe that's why i find some level of comfort around books (not necessarily reading them, but just being surrounded by them).
Sunday, June 18, 2006
france vs. korea.
i watching the 2nd half of this worldcup 2006 game. france is good, but i didn't know france was overrun by african immigrants. most of their players are black. funny how france and a handful of other european nations invaded and marketed the people of africa. i guess history has its sense of irony.
i am continued to be impressed by the longevity and performance of one of my random videos on YouTube. it is slowly yet surely racking up votes and comments as well as being favorited by as many as 26 separate viewers thus far. here's the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wasYNNfnfVE
my passport is taking forever to get here. it's been over a month. you can always rely on the government of one of the most powerful and influencial nations in the world, the Unites States of America, for some of the slowest government services known to man. i also need to get shiny, black dress shoes. i need a shave and a haircut. i've recovered from a recent attack of food poisoning. i'm envisioning a few things wrong with the new and emerging church.
i am continued to be impressed by the longevity and performance of one of my random videos on YouTube. it is slowly yet surely racking up votes and comments as well as being favorited by as many as 26 separate viewers thus far. here's the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wasYNNfnfVE
my passport is taking forever to get here. it's been over a month. you can always rely on the government of one of the most powerful and influencial nations in the world, the Unites States of America, for some of the slowest government services known to man. i also need to get shiny, black dress shoes. i need a shave and a haircut. i've recovered from a recent attack of food poisoning. i'm envisioning a few things wrong with the new and emerging church.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Thursday, June 15, 2006
so much to do, but oh so little time.
i realized today as i was driving my brave yet dying car that i am 28 yrs old, not 27. after doing a little math this means that im almost 30. it's not turning 30 that im afraid of. in fact i think it'll be a year of achievement. i want to turn 30 in a cool place, like on a snowy mountain fully dawned with ski gear, or in swimming trunks with a good layer of sunscreen out in the middle of the ocean somewhere (also wearing sunshades, on a sail boat). no, im not afraid of thirty. thirty is going to be a boon.
my little brother is starting to finally collect I Love Lucy episodes on DVD. i swear i've seen every episode at least five or ten times each. so i'm wishing i could be a better host so i can host an I Love Lucy party series. ha. it'd be too much fun watching the queen of all comedy in black and white. blissful feeling i tell you.
still looking for a good book to keep me company on my route from California to New Jersey. i hope they serve lunch and dinner. my brother has poe, edgar allen poe, so i might consider one of them.
i have a sudden craving for peanut butter on a spoon.
my little brother is starting to finally collect I Love Lucy episodes on DVD. i swear i've seen every episode at least five or ten times each. so i'm wishing i could be a better host so i can host an I Love Lucy party series. ha. it'd be too much fun watching the queen of all comedy in black and white. blissful feeling i tell you.
still looking for a good book to keep me company on my route from California to New Jersey. i hope they serve lunch and dinner. my brother has poe, edgar allen poe, so i might consider one of them.
i have a sudden craving for peanut butter on a spoon.
Monday, June 12, 2006
WorldCup 2004 - U.S. vs. Czech Republic
It's Monday morning and the only channel broadcasting the silly futbol game is Telemundo. Evidently American television refuses to broadcast its own country's worldcup game. This is unpatriotic. How can you compare this kind of unpatriotism with Japanese cars? This kind is by far worse....even if team U.S.A. does play like crap (yet mysteriously high in the rankings).
Czech leads 3-0. And life, for the time being, is good.
Czech leads 3-0. And life, for the time being, is good.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Why engineers don't write recipes.
Ingredients:
- 532.35 cm3 gluten
- 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
- 4.9 cm3 refined halite
- 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
- 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
- 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
- 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
- Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
- 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
- 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
(Recipe for Chocolate Chip Cookies from some geeko enginner's website)Friday, June 9, 2006
worldcup 2006, be a leftist.
try to do every thing left-handed, like rbushing your teeth, holding a cup, combing/brushing your hair, using a fork, using a knife, using chopsticks, using keys, throwing a ball,...etc.
Nanta, the non-verbal musical involving food, is sponsoring the WorldCup in S. Korea. Actually they're sponsoring their own show by giving discounts to admission tickets if you wear S.Korea (the reds) attire.
Nanta, the non-verbal musical involving food, is sponsoring the WorldCup in S. Korea. Actually they're sponsoring their own show by giving discounts to admission tickets if you wear S.Korea (the reds) attire.
Sunday, June 4, 2006
summer, it's hot.
anxiety is with me. it's a good kind of anxiety. it gives me feelings that i've almost forgotten about. i like it.
i saw a movie last night where this person snowboarded for her first time, but, in her clumsiness, some how snowboarded well enough to not fall and ended up on the cover of a local ski magazine. now i feel like snowboarding. i still have yet to snowboard. some day, some day i'll do it. but not this year.
last night i received a post-it note on my car window. it read, "Are you 'mentally challenged' or are you just rude? Don't park in front of my mailbox again." This is presumably from the same person who got me a ticket for parking in the wrong direction on the side of a residential road.
i started to think of creative ways to get back at her. like making thousands of copies of her note and sticking them all over their lawn so when they wake up they'll wake up to a sea of notes stabbed in to their precious fertile grass. then i thought about being a jerk and ignore the post-it note and just continue to park in front of the mailbox. then i started to conjure up ways to apologize... like a simple reply saying, "My sincerest apologies." after that i couldn't get myself to think of vengeful things. it just didn't seem very right of me to think like that in the first place.
i saw a movie last night where this person snowboarded for her first time, but, in her clumsiness, some how snowboarded well enough to not fall and ended up on the cover of a local ski magazine. now i feel like snowboarding. i still have yet to snowboard. some day, some day i'll do it. but not this year.
last night i received a post-it note on my car window. it read, "Are you 'mentally challenged' or are you just rude? Don't park in front of my mailbox again." This is presumably from the same person who got me a ticket for parking in the wrong direction on the side of a residential road.
i started to think of creative ways to get back at her. like making thousands of copies of her note and sticking them all over their lawn so when they wake up they'll wake up to a sea of notes stabbed in to their precious fertile grass. then i thought about being a jerk and ignore the post-it note and just continue to park in front of the mailbox. then i started to conjure up ways to apologize... like a simple reply saying, "My sincerest apologies." after that i couldn't get myself to think of vengeful things. it just didn't seem very right of me to think like that in the first place.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
courage.
Dr. Peck and Malachi Martin talked about various demons grabbing hold on the very souls of certain people. The longer the time of grasp, the stronger that grasp. And the stronger that grasp, the more connected the demon is with the human host. The total controlling of the host Dr. Peck and Malachi Martin calls perfect possession. It is as if the demonic spirit and the human spirit were married and thus in love. the two are inseparable.
Demons, at least exorcised demons, seem to have names that reflect their character. Demons bring about a supernatural cause for many maladies such as hate & lust, depression, confusion, and betrayal just to name a few.
i wonder if there is a demon for the lacking of courage, or simply cowardice. i think for some this has got to be their source where all their troubles and pains come from. of course cowardice doesn't have to be a demonic influence for we humans are quite frequently shy. despite the demons, we are the ultimate decision-maker for the demonic does not have that kind of power. but maybe for some courage simply doesn't show up no matter how hard, tough, persistent, thoughtful, or meaningful the human spirit is. i wonder if im a host.
lack of courage is crippling. it is enough to cause a huge chain reaction. the chain reaction affects many or all aspects of the human life. lacking in courage affects your outlook on life, it affects your mood, your grades, your friends, family, health, jobs, investments, relationships with people, and your relationship with God.
oh god im thinking too much again. i wonder if i have a demon of thinking-too-much or a demon of shifting-and-projecting-the-blame. no no no... j/k.
Demons, at least exorcised demons, seem to have names that reflect their character. Demons bring about a supernatural cause for many maladies such as hate & lust, depression, confusion, and betrayal just to name a few.
i wonder if there is a demon for the lacking of courage, or simply cowardice. i think for some this has got to be their source where all their troubles and pains come from. of course cowardice doesn't have to be a demonic influence for we humans are quite frequently shy. despite the demons, we are the ultimate decision-maker for the demonic does not have that kind of power. but maybe for some courage simply doesn't show up no matter how hard, tough, persistent, thoughtful, or meaningful the human spirit is. i wonder if im a host.
lack of courage is crippling. it is enough to cause a huge chain reaction. the chain reaction affects many or all aspects of the human life. lacking in courage affects your outlook on life, it affects your mood, your grades, your friends, family, health, jobs, investments, relationships with people, and your relationship with God.
oh god im thinking too much again. i wonder if i have a demon of thinking-too-much or a demon of shifting-and-projecting-the-blame. no no no... j/k.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
stages of faith, pomo observations, & crises
According to James Fowler there are 6 stages to faith development. however, according to Dr. Scott Peck, it can be reduced to 4. these stages are as follows:
1) chaotic antisocial
2) formal institutional
3) skeptic individual
4) mystical communal
As Dr. Peck puts it, "You have to go through a phase of doubting. One of the great sins of the Christian church is the discouragement of doubting. There's a limit to doubting. If you become really good at stage-three doubting, you begin to doubt your own doubts. And that's when you begin to move to stage four."
(the following is a separate thread of thought)
I am currently wrestling with this whole notion of the emerging postmodern era. I think as Christians or followers of Christ, or however you want to say it, this term, postmodern, is an extremely tough mold to fit into. I think we're trying hard, perhaps a little too hard, to fit into this mold. I think this is partially so because of the attraction to these new and emerging entities that everybody seems to be banking on as being the next big movement in the eyes of humanity. It definitely sounds good from the outside - being relevant to the current and coming generations while moving with the winds of change so we can make Christ's church more, uh, relevant?... How noble. How fantastic. And how idyllic. So I dont buy it - we've got the wrong terminology; after all semantics is everything. We need be extreme with our intentions because evil moves along the same lines, it too follows the winds of change and rides the same tides of contemporary fashions, fads, and movements. And this evil, like the way it has always been, is always very cunning and dangerously appealing.
(the following is a separate thread of thought)
Crises are points where we're faced with a tough decision, a decision whose outcome will determine how our lives go thereafter, for better or for ill. - Glimpes of the Devil
Using the stencil above i'd say it's fair to say im at a crisis. my next 5 years is nothing like i planned, nothing like i wanted. instead it seems the God of heaven has something else in plan. i can't say what is going to happen, but i can say that im filled with emphatic butterflies merely thinking of it. Thank you oh God of mysteries, my Alpha, my Omega.
1) chaotic antisocial
2) formal institutional
3) skeptic individual
4) mystical communal
As Dr. Peck puts it, "You have to go through a phase of doubting. One of the great sins of the Christian church is the discouragement of doubting. There's a limit to doubting. If you become really good at stage-three doubting, you begin to doubt your own doubts. And that's when you begin to move to stage four."
(the following is a separate thread of thought)
I am currently wrestling with this whole notion of the emerging postmodern era. I think as Christians or followers of Christ, or however you want to say it, this term, postmodern, is an extremely tough mold to fit into. I think we're trying hard, perhaps a little too hard, to fit into this mold. I think this is partially so because of the attraction to these new and emerging entities that everybody seems to be banking on as being the next big movement in the eyes of humanity. It definitely sounds good from the outside - being relevant to the current and coming generations while moving with the winds of change so we can make Christ's church more, uh, relevant?... How noble. How fantastic. And how idyllic. So I dont buy it - we've got the wrong terminology; after all semantics is everything. We need be extreme with our intentions because evil moves along the same lines, it too follows the winds of change and rides the same tides of contemporary fashions, fads, and movements. And this evil, like the way it has always been, is always very cunning and dangerously appealing.
(the following is a separate thread of thought)
Crises are points where we're faced with a tough decision, a decision whose outcome will determine how our lives go thereafter, for better or for ill. - Glimpes of the Devil
Using the stencil above i'd say it's fair to say im at a crisis. my next 5 years is nothing like i planned, nothing like i wanted. instead it seems the God of heaven has something else in plan. i can't say what is going to happen, but i can say that im filled with emphatic butterflies merely thinking of it. Thank you oh God of mysteries, my Alpha, my Omega.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Confession is the doorway to forgiveness.
i've been spending more of my time at my local library and half-price book stores as of late. i guess it's because i have the time to do so, but i think it's more because i have this hunger and thirst for God, wisdom, trust, and love. so i've learned that i fall short of so many things. this learning about myself still goes on today. sad but true. i read one chapter in one book that talked about depression, just because i wanted to be certain if i had depression or not. it turns out that i'm not clinically depressed. there was this other book i read about love which did the most help by shedding much light on relationships and about myself, and how if i don't love myself then how it's impossible to love somebody else. but to be honest this is something i already knew. i knew, long before i read it, that i am not comfortable with myself - i'm pretty self-conscientous about everything. but it did tremendous help to flesh out the facts that i'm simply not ready for a relationship. sad to say it, but i feel like i'm living in the movie forty year old virgin, not that i've seen it. another book is Confession. think about it. repeat it over and over. it has such a wonderful tone, doesn't it? so i checked this book out along with another book Glimpses of the Devil, which is a psychiatrist's personal accounts of possession, exorcism, and redemption.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
a motivation to catch a dream
this past week i spent over 10 voluntary hours helping refugee students with computer related stuff, like addressing problems and giving lessons. just yesterday i spent the whole day with a student in his first year of highschool. he's only 16 years old. he has atleast 5 brothers and sisters. his father is the only working parent, therefore the only source of family income. not too long ago his mother went to the hospital, so now they're stuck with a medical bill that is just killing them with montly interest accumulations. so this kid, this 16 year old kid, has these big dreams. i mean big, admirable dreams. he wants to get out of his ESL class because everybody else there fools around in class creating a pointless environment. he consistently asks me about earnings figures for various career paths and the sources of financial support to help fund his college years. he thinks he wants to be an engineer or a doctor, IF he doesn't become a backetball player in which case he'd make millions. and he wants all this for a very good reason. he knows how much his father makes, which is not a whole lot. but he also knows that compared to other jobs that it's pretty good pay. this kid, this honest and hard-working kid, is dying to help his family. getting a driver's license would be one thing that could greatly help. so he tells me it's about $200 to get one from a driving school. trouble is he needs $200. everything costs money. so this kid is determined to get a summer job.
i realized how tough it is for him. he doesn't have a fluent grasp of the english language. he's in highschool and has all these things he wants to do, like build webpages, learn about computers, help his parents, and make a living. i didn't realize just how spoiled i was. i didn't get how easy i've had it. to be able to have everything paid for is such a sheltering way to live. the least i could do for him was offer everything that had been freely available to me. so we drove around the neighborhood looking and applying for summer jobs. and he's not picky either. his honesty shows from his willingness to do anything from packing boxes, flipping burgers, and washing dishes. of all individuals i know, whether refugee or not, this kid has got it. although i have every belief that he'll succeed, i still cross my fingers and hope and pray that he'll make it.
i realized how tough it is for him. he doesn't have a fluent grasp of the english language. he's in highschool and has all these things he wants to do, like build webpages, learn about computers, help his parents, and make a living. i didn't realize just how spoiled i was. i didn't get how easy i've had it. to be able to have everything paid for is such a sheltering way to live. the least i could do for him was offer everything that had been freely available to me. so we drove around the neighborhood looking and applying for summer jobs. and he's not picky either. his honesty shows from his willingness to do anything from packing boxes, flipping burgers, and washing dishes. of all individuals i know, whether refugee or not, this kid has got it. although i have every belief that he'll succeed, i still cross my fingers and hope and pray that he'll make it.
Monday, May 22, 2006
what do you fear?
I know this saying is true, for a picture can truly express and provoke so many a word and a thought. Naturally our logical guess would be that a moving picture says a thousand times a thousand words. Maybe truth. Maybe not.
But I think illogically that silence speaks infinitely more, like the vast void of space between distant galaxies. I know that I must learn to live with the absense. And I have a great fear right now within me. It is this deep unforgiving silence, silence that is intentional just for me, that is what keeps me aware of my sins.
I am aware, ever since a friend instructed, that I need to accept rejection. But it's not easy. I don't think it ever will.
I have to live like this in what seems like a long and vast journey from galaxy to galaxy with no one to talk to me but this familiar tone of silence. If this is not fear then what is?
But I think illogically that silence speaks infinitely more, like the vast void of space between distant galaxies. I know that I must learn to live with the absense. And I have a great fear right now within me. It is this deep unforgiving silence, silence that is intentional just for me, that is what keeps me aware of my sins.
I am aware, ever since a friend instructed, that I need to accept rejection. But it's not easy. I don't think it ever will.
I have to live like this in what seems like a long and vast journey from galaxy to galaxy with no one to talk to me but this familiar tone of silence. If this is not fear then what is?
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
roadmap to parsippany?
possibility of going to New Jersey increases as the days go by. parsippany, i've been told, is a rural area about 1 mile from New York. it'll be interesting to see that part of the country for the first. nothing is set in cement yet as i've still things to do. 3 months of higher education at a premium. gotta love it.
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
video: a secret garden
we're specks of dust in this universe. yet what's more mind-boggling than that is that the creator of all of it bothers to care and even love me.
i discovered a song which i'm not sure who composed it. when i listened to it for the first time i happened to be reading the lyrics of another song. ever since, i associate the two together. otherwise neither song is satisfactory, to me. the author of the lyrics is Petter Skavlan. so i put the two together myself. i did this because i find this song to reflect how i feel most of the time, for the most part.
how can any thing be so gloomy yet so pretty? how can any thing be so beautiful yet strangely and utterly depressing?
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
gallery.
decided to use the gallery feature, a feature i've always had but was too lazy to use.
In California one of my cousin's friend was viewing videos on YouTube. she was looking for korean videos actually, but she's only like 15 years old. that's when i realized this YouTube thing is bigger than I thought. so i registered for it too.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
April 29th, 2006 - ...hey churches, don't forget about the part about repenting.
setting: subway train going to church on sunday afternoon for my usual 3 o'clock contemporary service.
i see a grandmother eye-balling her grandson as he wears his gilligan hat (from Gilligan's Island) up rather than down. the grandmother tells the child's mother that he's wearing it upwards. the mother goes to her son to show him the proper way to wear it. and i remember thinking to myself about the grandmother why the hell are you so stressfully concerned about your grandson wearing his hat that way, mrs bitchy lady?
setting: 3 o'clock church service in myeung-dong @ IWE, international worship in english.
the preacher's sermon seemed long and drawn out. seemed almost too irrelevent for somebody like me. but for about 3 minutes i suddenly started to listen and see things like a rabbit or a fox. the preacher started to talk about repentance and the changing of a christian's life when he/she makes the commitment at heart...of all sunday messages that message brought me to remembrance of my spiritual faith conviction and where i stand with it. of all the messages and songs i've heard over the past year this is the one i needed to hear just once again. a message about repentance, to change my ways and thinking and its ramifications and the reasons behind it... all the talk and readings about the new kind of christian or spirituality and all the messages about a 3rd culturally relevant church body in a new era... all that talk and all that jazz couldn't bring me to this, not in a million years. sometimes the message needs be black & white and clear as glass. and this truth is not always the truth we are willing to acknowledge and accept. repentance is the hard truth we must give in to. the 3 minute spiel, so simple and to-the-point, was all about describing what repenting is, which is all i needed to hear. and of all the places to get this point, this point that is such a critically massed junction in my life that only God and I know about, happened to hit me soft, like falling leaves, from the other side of the world.
setting: after 3 o'clock church service.
a good friend of mine, powerful and committed to Christ, tells me what i need to hear, that i must trust in God and that everything happens according to His time. and she also reminded me that God will give what i ask for with my heart. she said she will pray for me and told me that my decisions in life will come from God. i'm happier knowing this.
i see a grandmother eye-balling her grandson as he wears his gilligan hat (from Gilligan's Island) up rather than down. the grandmother tells the child's mother that he's wearing it upwards. the mother goes to her son to show him the proper way to wear it. and i remember thinking to myself about the grandmother why the hell are you so stressfully concerned about your grandson wearing his hat that way, mrs bitchy lady?
setting: 3 o'clock church service in myeung-dong @ IWE, international worship in english.
the preacher's sermon seemed long and drawn out. seemed almost too irrelevent for somebody like me. but for about 3 minutes i suddenly started to listen and see things like a rabbit or a fox. the preacher started to talk about repentance and the changing of a christian's life when he/she makes the commitment at heart...of all sunday messages that message brought me to remembrance of my spiritual faith conviction and where i stand with it. of all the messages and songs i've heard over the past year this is the one i needed to hear just once again. a message about repentance, to change my ways and thinking and its ramifications and the reasons behind it... all the talk and readings about the new kind of christian or spirituality and all the messages about a 3rd culturally relevant church body in a new era... all that talk and all that jazz couldn't bring me to this, not in a million years. sometimes the message needs be black & white and clear as glass. and this truth is not always the truth we are willing to acknowledge and accept. repentance is the hard truth we must give in to. the 3 minute spiel, so simple and to-the-point, was all about describing what repenting is, which is all i needed to hear. and of all the places to get this point, this point that is such a critically massed junction in my life that only God and I know about, happened to hit me soft, like falling leaves, from the other side of the world.
setting: after 3 o'clock church service.
a good friend of mine, powerful and committed to Christ, tells me what i need to hear, that i must trust in God and that everything happens according to His time. and she also reminded me that God will give what i ask for with my heart. she said she will pray for me and told me that my decisions in life will come from God. i'm happier knowing this.
Friday, April 28, 2006
a clear day in Seoul
koreans eat lots. if you youngest in a crowd you might be told to eat remaining food (or maybe asked?). my foot hurts from all the walking. but despite exercise me getting fat. my fear of public toilets go away today. got very interesting offer from another english education institution, a very interesting proposition i might take. a good friend talking business with people around the peninsula to get me hired as a mobile developer. would be very nice to live here again.
note to self: pack lighter next time, and bring more dark chocolates, and a hat.
note to self: pack lighter next time, and bring more dark chocolates, and a hat.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
about a toilet
some time between '02 and '03 a friend and i go to a restaurant to eat food. my friend comes back from the restroom saying how refreshing the hi-tech toilet is. i go to the restroom intrigued and to see for it myself. the toilet was not so friendly lookin. it looked like it would grab you in an uncomfortable fashion, like a robot designed to molest you. i pushed random buttons for the heck of it and a funny twig-like device comes out of the toilets and then retracts back in. i turn around to use the old fashion urinal (ah, good 'ol urinal). next thing i know the toilet is spraying water behind me against the wall.
i sat down on one of these molesting toilets because i had no choice. i sat down and noticed how it responded to my weight, like it was doing some calculations based on my weight or something. a few red LED lights turned on and made hi-tech computer beeping sounds, and for a moment i was too alarmed to even "go." but you know how it is, when you gotta go you gotta go. so i went, naturally.
good night.
i sat down on one of these molesting toilets because i had no choice. i sat down and noticed how it responded to my weight, like it was doing some calculations based on my weight or something. a few red LED lights turned on and made hi-tech computer beeping sounds, and for a moment i was too alarmed to even "go." but you know how it is, when you gotta go you gotta go. so i went, naturally.
good night.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
early bird sleepy head.
although this is not my first log entry since hitting california and seoul to travel, it is however my first blog entry since.
i woke up at 4:30 am this morning even though i didnt get much sleep. im walking the sidewalks here approaching my former employer to say hello. alas the building's not even open. it's still stinkin 6 in the morning. local coffee shops open at 11am, even starbucks. oh well, i dont like coffee anyways.
the air here is just as bad as i remembered it. in fact it's probably worse, especially with the sand storm going on in china. i'm teaching myself to start a nasty habit - spit. and not just regular spit. i'm talking about haulking up a good from, from the throat, so i can expel all the dirty particulates. pick your bugars in Seoul and they'll be black. so dont pick. just haulk a big one a spit. haulk from the diaphram too. until next time, cheers!
i woke up at 4:30 am this morning even though i didnt get much sleep. im walking the sidewalks here approaching my former employer to say hello. alas the building's not even open. it's still stinkin 6 in the morning. local coffee shops open at 11am, even starbucks. oh well, i dont like coffee anyways.
the air here is just as bad as i remembered it. in fact it's probably worse, especially with the sand storm going on in china. i'm teaching myself to start a nasty habit - spit. and not just regular spit. i'm talking about haulking up a good from, from the throat, so i can expel all the dirty particulates. pick your bugars in Seoul and they'll be black. so dont pick. just haulk a big one a spit. haulk from the diaphram too. until next time, cheers!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
random blog epidemic
From Jenny's xanga:
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. What does it say?
"Detective open for now so you can refer to its settings."
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
a lime-green telephone
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Judge Mathis
4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
3:00
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
2:42
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
refrigerator
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I went to the library this morning.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
People's xanga's.
9. What are you wearing?
A green pladded button shirt over a t-shirt i got at a garage sale, a pair of work-wear gap jeans, a black leather belt, a cotton jacket with a fleece lining, and calvin klein underwear.
10. Did you dream last night?
the average person dreams 6 times per night. but i forget.
11. When did you last laugh?
last night while watching "Mr & Mrs Smith".
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
An oil painting of a big sail boat that my grandmother painted, an italian flag, a scenic picture of the mountains.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Spikey "coconuts" at a Vietnamese grocery store.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
informative
15. What is the last film you saw?
Mr and Mrs Smith on DVD.
Syriana at the theatre.
In the theatre?
see above.
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
new computers for refugee kids, retirement for my parents, and a new pair of shoes for me.
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
when i learned how to tie a knot for my shoe laces in preschool i tied a girl's hair into a knot while she was sleeping in preschool because i could never fall asleep. i got in trouble for it.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
seriously, have everybody brush their tongue everyday on a mandatory basis.
19. Do you like to dance?
not really
20. George Bush:
should force the U.S. government to give back all the stolen lands back to the native americans.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
i'll think about this question together with my wife when we're ready.
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
i dont know.
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
yah.
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Welcome home, I've been waiting for you.
25. 4 people who must also do this quiz in THEIR journal:
i dont know
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. What does it say?
"Detective open for now so you can refer to its settings."
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
a lime-green telephone
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Judge Mathis
4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
3:00
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
2:42
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
refrigerator
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I went to the library this morning.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
People's xanga's.
9. What are you wearing?
A green pladded button shirt over a t-shirt i got at a garage sale, a pair of work-wear gap jeans, a black leather belt, a cotton jacket with a fleece lining, and calvin klein underwear.
10. Did you dream last night?
the average person dreams 6 times per night. but i forget.
11. When did you last laugh?
last night while watching "Mr & Mrs Smith".
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
An oil painting of a big sail boat that my grandmother painted, an italian flag, a scenic picture of the mountains.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Spikey "coconuts" at a Vietnamese grocery store.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
informative
15. What is the last film you saw?
Mr and Mrs Smith on DVD.
Syriana at the theatre.
In the theatre?
see above.
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
new computers for refugee kids, retirement for my parents, and a new pair of shoes for me.
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
when i learned how to tie a knot for my shoe laces in preschool i tied a girl's hair into a knot while she was sleeping in preschool because i could never fall asleep. i got in trouble for it.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
seriously, have everybody brush their tongue everyday on a mandatory basis.
19. Do you like to dance?
not really
20. George Bush:
should force the U.S. government to give back all the stolen lands back to the native americans.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
i'll think about this question together with my wife when we're ready.
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
i dont know.
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
yah.
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Welcome home, I've been waiting for you.
25. 4 people who must also do this quiz in THEIR journal:
i dont know
another death in the family
A couple of days ago my baby cousin died from inadvertent strangulation on his throat. it was the ropes from window blinds that taggled him. last i saw him and his twin brother and his older sister he was just beginning to get the hang of crawling around. so he was probably up and walking around when he got caught.
tie window-blind ropes and all possible loose ends. these are baby killers.
tie window-blind ropes and all possible loose ends. these are baby killers.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
America's drug obsession.
sad story today. Americans take drugs to lose weight. now there is a news headlining report about the sleeping drug Ambien. according to researchers it is just now being discovered that this drug causes sleep-eating (eating in your sleep).
people would wake up with candy wrappers and crumbs all over the place, the kitchen is a mess, and they cut themselves while attempting to chop food. then they gain weight.
drugs drugs drugs. everywhere there's drugs. i have drugs. you have drugs. everywhere drugs.
people would wake up with candy wrappers and crumbs all over the place, the kitchen is a mess, and they cut themselves while attempting to chop food. then they gain weight.
drugs drugs drugs. everywhere there's drugs. i have drugs. you have drugs. everywhere drugs.
Monday, March 27, 2006
a song by Starfield
i'm listening to this song All For you by Starfield. it's an awesome song with uplifting qualities. the chorus goes something like this....
it's all for you, it's all for you,
i'm letting go, i'm letting go,...
these lyrics makes me really think about things, like my status relative to God. but i'm hesitant to let go. how is it humanly possible to let it all go for the sake of a God that we can not see nor touch? i tell you it is not humanly possible. it requires a divine intervention. and what if some people are not ready to be affected by the divine? what if some people will never be ready? and what if some people are chosen by the divine to never be influenced (or saved) by that same divine power?
it is the darkness that draws us to the light. makes sense doesn't it? i've been painted on, lied to, and spat on. demons in hell must be dancing around knowing they've got me in the palms of their hand. you see, i should've wielded my sword and shield long ago when i saw the enemy frontlines on the horizon. but i've procrastinated. i've underestimated, as always. but in a final attempt in desperation i'm wielding my sword now. this is a spiritual war, and let me tell you, it is bloody.
going back to the book of Romans.
it's all for you, it's all for you,
i'm letting go, i'm letting go,...
these lyrics makes me really think about things, like my status relative to God. but i'm hesitant to let go. how is it humanly possible to let it all go for the sake of a God that we can not see nor touch? i tell you it is not humanly possible. it requires a divine intervention. and what if some people are not ready to be affected by the divine? what if some people will never be ready? and what if some people are chosen by the divine to never be influenced (or saved) by that same divine power?
it is the darkness that draws us to the light. makes sense doesn't it? i've been painted on, lied to, and spat on. demons in hell must be dancing around knowing they've got me in the palms of their hand. you see, i should've wielded my sword and shield long ago when i saw the enemy frontlines on the horizon. but i've procrastinated. i've underestimated, as always. but in a final attempt in desperation i'm wielding my sword now. this is a spiritual war, and let me tell you, it is bloody.
going back to the book of Romans.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
video: a closing piece.
this piece is for a church in Denton, TX and is designed to close the Sunday service. they're a conservative church, so they requested some a little, well, conservative. they've all the equipment necessary to display this. all they need to do is run it.
video: a peace legacy.
this small video never gets old.i wouldn't mind making a new rendition of this for every single
Sunday's call-to-worship showing.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
video: what if.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
i doubt im the only one.
God being all-knowing and all-loving, does it make sense for Him to create creatures that are bound to fall? i dont get it. im not questioning God, but it's just that i dont get it. God is a jealous and selfish God, yet absolutely and utterly righteous, for He is incapable of being anything less than perfect. it is simply not in His nature to NOT be righteous. so why would He create a race that is destined to miss the mark (sin) from the very beginning because of their God-given free will? im assuming that many in our human race will not reach Him and that only a few will enter those heavenly gates. those who are rejected will suffer forever by the total absence of God. and those who are granted to be in His presence will experience joy beyond words, forever. it can be said that rewards and just being in the very presence of God is what will make it all clear, that it's a privileage to go through this fallen world and all it's griefs so that we can know that much more the rewards and the joys that awaits us, when we are walking in perfect communion with God, just like how it used to be in that garden, east of Eden.
I dont buy this any more. It's hard to accept this. It's difficult to believe that any of this is righteous. I personally think God was just bored and needed to entertain Himself. Take a person, any sane person, and place him into solitary confinement. It doesn't take too long before
his mind begins to wander. How much so must it be for God? I imagine it'd be immensely (infinitely?) so.
I'm not rejecting God, although it sounds like it. I'm saying that my understanding of the western take on Christ and God is theology and religion. These things, theology and religion, speaks to me as arrogant. Im pretty fed up with western ideology, as well as the west's superiority complex when it comes to just about anything and everything.
I dont buy this any more. It's hard to accept this. It's difficult to believe that any of this is righteous. I personally think God was just bored and needed to entertain Himself. Take a person, any sane person, and place him into solitary confinement. It doesn't take too long before
his mind begins to wander. How much so must it be for God? I imagine it'd be immensely (infinitely?) so.
I'm not rejecting God, although it sounds like it. I'm saying that my understanding of the western take on Christ and God is theology and religion. These things, theology and religion, speaks to me as arrogant. Im pretty fed up with western ideology, as well as the west's superiority complex when it comes to just about anything and everything.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
my experience at the beach
the boat was jam-packed with my fellow comrads, elbow to elbow, as we anxiously awaited for the inevitable when our boat would land and the door in front of us would open to the full onslaught. out of nowhere out boat capsized and i soon found myself under the sea as i watched my friends swim for the top. all sounds, though traveling faster, were eerily dampened by the cold water.
but then i broke the ocean surface gasping for air, and suddenly the true sounds of reality were again ringing in clear - all the zinging and clanging of bullets and mortar explosions unnaturally mixed in with the constant roaring of the ocean waves.
i crouched and hid my body behind a giant, metal jacks-like barracade. with the entire ocean behind me and the heavily fortified beach of Normandy before me, i couldn't move, i was too scared to storm the beach.
after about 30 seconds i gained my composure and reassured myself that this is only a video game...i can do this. i died many times before progressing beyond the beach of Normandy. and that was only the opening level of the game.
war is hell.
but then i broke the ocean surface gasping for air, and suddenly the true sounds of reality were again ringing in clear - all the zinging and clanging of bullets and mortar explosions unnaturally mixed in with the constant roaring of the ocean waves.
i crouched and hid my body behind a giant, metal jacks-like barracade. with the entire ocean behind me and the heavily fortified beach of Normandy before me, i couldn't move, i was too scared to storm the beach.
after about 30 seconds i gained my composure and reassured myself that this is only a video game...i can do this. i died many times before progressing beyond the beach of Normandy. and that was only the opening level of the game.
war is hell.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
A dream
Last night i drempt a weird collage of so many things. It's strange how when i dream these big collage dreams it's made up of snippets from dreams that i've previously had.
Last night i hung out with a couple of friends; one of them i havent seen in over 3 years. We watched a movie.... i drank a beer, 1 beer, and i went to bed at midnight. that is a formula for collage dreaming my friend.
In my dreams I said goodbye to a friend and then I walked away. I didnt walk away because I wanted too... I did so because I was asked to.
Last night i hung out with a couple of friends; one of them i havent seen in over 3 years. We watched a movie.... i drank a beer, 1 beer, and i went to bed at midnight. that is a formula for collage dreaming my friend.
In my dreams I said goodbye to a friend and then I walked away. I didnt walk away because I wanted too... I did so because I was asked to.
Thursday, March 9, 2006
gross, im eating a color!
what if instead of being named brocoli it's named green?
or what if instead of eggplant it's just purple?
and instead of raisins, poopy-brown?
that's the way i feel when i eat an orange.
i think, eww, i'm eating a color.
my middle school computer science teacher made a point to tell the class that i don't have black hair, that "only black people have black hair" and that i actually have dark brown hair. is this considered racist or just superfluous?
i saw a person use the restroom and not wash his hands afterwards.
a lady in front of me took most of the chicken, vegetables, and noodles from the cauldron of chicken-noodle soup. what an inconsiderate person i thought to myself.
i'm looking for a new pair of blue jeans.
my day dreamings are haunting me during the day.
i discovered the joys of cutting my own hair.
i found that im perfectly used to using a computer mouse with my left hand, yet it's nearly impossible for me to brush my teeth or use chop sticks or write my name left-handed.
i still really want a motorcycle, but my parents reiterated again, "over my dead body."
i've begun to write a novel.
or what if instead of eggplant it's just purple?
and instead of raisins, poopy-brown?
that's the way i feel when i eat an orange.
i think, eww, i'm eating a color.
my middle school computer science teacher made a point to tell the class that i don't have black hair, that "only black people have black hair" and that i actually have dark brown hair. is this considered racist or just superfluous?
i saw a person use the restroom and not wash his hands afterwards.
a lady in front of me took most of the chicken, vegetables, and noodles from the cauldron of chicken-noodle soup. what an inconsiderate person i thought to myself.
i'm looking for a new pair of blue jeans.
my day dreamings are haunting me during the day.
i discovered the joys of cutting my own hair.
i found that im perfectly used to using a computer mouse with my left hand, yet it's nearly impossible for me to brush my teeth or use chop sticks or write my name left-handed.
i still really want a motorcycle, but my parents reiterated again, "over my dead body."
i've begun to write a novel.
Wednesday, March 8, 2006
pulp thoughts
wearing a zipped up black hooded jacket in a white collar corporate environment was not a smart thing. people nearly stop in their tracks when they first see you. that was one day. after that day i didnt dare wear the hood. wearing flip flops this past week got similar glances and 2nd takes. funny. they look at you and then your feet. corporate america. she's so uptight.
again, i find myself between the promises of wealth, happiness, a comfortable retirement - and new faces, new cultures, and new horizons. what to do...what to do...?
im thinking about trying out for an advanced diving license, which would open the doors to a vast array of other certifications: like marine archaeology, underwater photography, cave diving, and even dive navigation, and search & rescue. bottom line, i love diving. now im trying to find ways to incorporate my career into it, or out of it, or just change careers.
feeling good, better, in many ways. but still kicking myself for still being a moron.
again, i find myself between the promises of wealth, happiness, a comfortable retirement - and new faces, new cultures, and new horizons. what to do...what to do...?
im thinking about trying out for an advanced diving license, which would open the doors to a vast array of other certifications: like marine archaeology, underwater photography, cave diving, and even dive navigation, and search & rescue. bottom line, i love diving. now im trying to find ways to incorporate my career into it, or out of it, or just change careers.
feeling good, better, in many ways. but still kicking myself for still being a moron.
Wednesday, March 1, 2006
unifying theory of everything
Disclaimer : the following thesis by no means in any good shape or modern fashion condones nor denies the truth and its intricacies of a self-proclaimed and seemingly self-absorbed and helplessly arrogant series of mathematical inductions to provide proof of a questionable thread of thought in the ethereal plane of the milky way galaxy and beyond. in addition, this document thesis does not claim to be the sole work or property or proprietary wisdom of that of Edward S. An.
-by edward
assign a 1-based consecutively increasing number for each letter of the alphabet, like so:
A = 1
B = 2
C = 3
D = 4
E = 5
F = 6
G = 7
H = 8
I = 9
J = 10
K = 11
L = 12
M = 13
N = 14
O = 15
P = 16
Q = 17
R = 18
S = 19
T = 20
U = 21
V = 22
W = 23
X = 24
Y = 25
Z = 26
then by the 2nd law of thermodynamics it follows that
(A + B + C) = (1 + 2 + 3)
and thusly, F = 6
following this strange phenomenon we can prove once and for all that hardwork does not always yield a greater result than something of a lesser moral value. for instance, consider the following:
(H + A + R + D + W + O + R + K) = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98
(S + T + U + D + Y) = 19+21+4+25 = 69
(B+U+L+L+S+H+I+T) = 103
but according to Einstein's law of E=MC^2 such phenomenon's are not likely to exist, although they are not entirely impossible to exist. if it were possible from a probabilistic point of view then the letters will merge together by moduluses of the prime numbers 3 or 7 or an imaginary number that is customarily denoted by the character §. this increasing complexity of the saturated universe can be elegantly explained however by the direct approach of quantum mechanics and the unorthodoxical administration and filibustering of the numbers for a few hours.
using this modern tool-set of quantum matrices in an outdated world as a means of resolving this strange and peculiar numbering phenomenon, we can make extractions to and fro the underlying realm of mathematics and the entire universe itself. the following is a sample of a unified formulaic approach to confirm just one of surely billion quillion frillions of held beliefs:
(E+D+D+I+E) = 27
based on the draconian laws of the hybrid rubberband effect, we can reverse the digits 2 and 7 so that it becomes 7 and 2 (note that this may cause some adverse side effects).
now we have a nice wholesome value of 72.
using a combination of elementary nuclear physics and classical newtonians physics, we can conclude that 9 * 8 = 72.
observe that 9 * 8 can also be described as I * H.
once again we can apply the draconian laws of the hybrid rubberband effect to give us H * I, or simply HI, which when converted to english notation is quite elegantly "hi".
now, using fuzzy math, adjust this fritional coefficient to be approx 0.1 which will give us a value of 75 (or just add 3 to 72).
finally add 1 to the result if it's leap year.
the result should be either 75 or 76.
if result is 75:
it naturally follows that (7+5+14+9+21+19) = 75
then, it becomes painfully obvious that 75 = (G+E+N+I+U+S)
the result in modern english is the string of characters, "genius"
if result is 76:
it naturally follows that (7+5+14+9+21+19) + 1 = 75 + 1
then, it becomes painfully obvious that 75 = (G+E+N+I+U+S) + A, or A + (G+E+N+I+U+S)
the result in modern english is the string of characters, "a genius"
note that there is a character-space between 'a' and 'g'. this is automatically inserted due to the natural governing law of gravity, or the illusion thereof. this quintessentially proves that this character-space is simply an illusion and is not really there.
unfortunately the sum of the letters in the string of characters "eddie" has expired. eddie is now 28 years old. 27 years he was last year. so the above proof no longer holds true.
however, this formula did confirm exactly one year ago that Eddie's long held belief ever since he was in diapers held to be true last year when he was 27.
the expired conclusion: Eddie was a genius at 27.
this is a significant finding since there are only 26 letters of the known alphabet. the numerical value 27, with respect to the 26-letter alphabet dynamic, has not exceeded its range as one might initially presume. instead, 27 is equivalent to 1 (a.k.a. A). this can only be explained by the elegance of quantum distribution which allows the wrapping (looping) of letter-value pairs.
thus, the actual conclusion is that Eddie was a genius at 1 AND at 27. so it can be predicted that the next cycle of Eddie's geniusness will begin when Eddie is (27 + 26) = 53.
-by edward
assign a 1-based consecutively increasing number for each letter of the alphabet, like so:
A = 1
B = 2
C = 3
D = 4
E = 5
F = 6
G = 7
H = 8
I = 9
J = 10
K = 11
L = 12
M = 13
N = 14
O = 15
P = 16
Q = 17
R = 18
S = 19
T = 20
U = 21
V = 22
W = 23
X = 24
Y = 25
Z = 26
then by the 2nd law of thermodynamics it follows that
(A + B + C) = (1 + 2 + 3)
and thusly, F = 6
following this strange phenomenon we can prove once and for all that hardwork does not always yield a greater result than something of a lesser moral value. for instance, consider the following:
(H + A + R + D + W + O + R + K) = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98
(S + T + U + D + Y) = 19+21+4+25 = 69
(B+U+L+L+S+H+I+T) = 103
but according to Einstein's law of E=MC^2 such phenomenon's are not likely to exist, although they are not entirely impossible to exist. if it were possible from a probabilistic point of view then the letters will merge together by moduluses of the prime numbers 3 or 7 or an imaginary number that is customarily denoted by the character §. this increasing complexity of the saturated universe can be elegantly explained however by the direct approach of quantum mechanics and the unorthodoxical administration and filibustering of the numbers for a few hours.
using this modern tool-set of quantum matrices in an outdated world as a means of resolving this strange and peculiar numbering phenomenon, we can make extractions to and fro the underlying realm of mathematics and the entire universe itself. the following is a sample of a unified formulaic approach to confirm just one of surely billion quillion frillions of held beliefs:
(E+D+D+I+E) = 27
based on the draconian laws of the hybrid rubberband effect, we can reverse the digits 2 and 7 so that it becomes 7 and 2 (note that this may cause some adverse side effects).
now we have a nice wholesome value of 72.
using a combination of elementary nuclear physics and classical newtonians physics, we can conclude that 9 * 8 = 72.
observe that 9 * 8 can also be described as I * H.
once again we can apply the draconian laws of the hybrid rubberband effect to give us H * I, or simply HI, which when converted to english notation is quite elegantly "hi".
now, using fuzzy math, adjust this fritional coefficient to be approx 0.1 which will give us a value of 75 (or just add 3 to 72).
finally add 1 to the result if it's leap year.
the result should be either 75 or 76.
if result is 75:
it naturally follows that (7+5+14+9+21+19) = 75
then, it becomes painfully obvious that 75 = (G+E+N+I+U+S)
the result in modern english is the string of characters, "genius"
if result is 76:
it naturally follows that (7+5+14+9+21+19) + 1 = 75 + 1
then, it becomes painfully obvious that 75 = (G+E+N+I+U+S) + A, or A + (G+E+N+I+U+S)
the result in modern english is the string of characters, "a genius"
note that there is a character-space between 'a' and 'g'. this is automatically inserted due to the natural governing law of gravity, or the illusion thereof. this quintessentially proves that this character-space is simply an illusion and is not really there.
unfortunately the sum of the letters in the string of characters "eddie" has expired. eddie is now 28 years old. 27 years he was last year. so the above proof no longer holds true.
however, this formula did confirm exactly one year ago that Eddie's long held belief ever since he was in diapers held to be true last year when he was 27.
the expired conclusion: Eddie was a genius at 27.
this is a significant finding since there are only 26 letters of the known alphabet. the numerical value 27, with respect to the 26-letter alphabet dynamic, has not exceeded its range as one might initially presume. instead, 27 is equivalent to 1 (a.k.a. A). this can only be explained by the elegance of quantum distribution which allows the wrapping (looping) of letter-value pairs.
thus, the actual conclusion is that Eddie was a genius at 1 AND at 27. so it can be predicted that the next cycle of Eddie's geniusness will begin when Eddie is (27 + 26) = 53.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
should i abandon my blog, too?
a girl in middle school, still wearing her braces and sporting a cool pair of hip and happening reading glasses, proclaims that she wants to get a degree in computer science and teach english, just like me. how cute - how adorably cute.
a child in my kindergarten class cries her heart out when she learns that i'm leaving to go overseas for 10 days on Christmas vacation. i do a snappy good job to persuade her that i would return, and that she shouldn't cry. again, how cute - how adorably cute.
a group of my business students randomly decide to take me to a sauna joint where you're expected to take your clothes off in a locker room with other people, then take a shower, then sit in a sauna, then take a hot bath, and then a shower again....while being with other people of the same sex the whole time. so i'm in the sports utility vehicle with my adult businessmen and businesswomen, and we're on our way to the closest fancy sauna house. but the traffic is terrifically bad enough to convince everybody to turn around and forget about the sauna house. my anxiety level quickly calms down as the existence of God was miraculously confirmed.
the sun is showing, the air warming, and the feeling of slight depression i dont feel much anymore. i believe what is left in me now is the same thing that had been with me this whole damn winter. after all the magnified gloom has disappeared i understand now that it was just a feeling of disappointment. i was disappointed with myself for being such a bad person. i know i'm better than this.
a child in my kindergarten class cries her heart out when she learns that i'm leaving to go overseas for 10 days on Christmas vacation. i do a snappy good job to persuade her that i would return, and that she shouldn't cry. again, how cute - how adorably cute.
a group of my business students randomly decide to take me to a sauna joint where you're expected to take your clothes off in a locker room with other people, then take a shower, then sit in a sauna, then take a hot bath, and then a shower again....while being with other people of the same sex the whole time. so i'm in the sports utility vehicle with my adult businessmen and businesswomen, and we're on our way to the closest fancy sauna house. but the traffic is terrifically bad enough to convince everybody to turn around and forget about the sauna house. my anxiety level quickly calms down as the existence of God was miraculously confirmed.
the sun is showing, the air warming, and the feeling of slight depression i dont feel much anymore. i believe what is left in me now is the same thing that had been with me this whole damn winter. after all the magnified gloom has disappeared i understand now that it was just a feeling of disappointment. i was disappointed with myself for being such a bad person. i know i'm better than this.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
and then the tides brought in a sail
i'm not sure what to do any more. things are different from what they used to be. it used to be that i would wake up and feel refreshed and ever so eager to live out the brand new day. it used to be like that. it used to be fun, living. now, whenever i get a moment of silence i just feel like tears. i don't like waking too much any more. neither do i look forward to going to bed. all i feel like doing is sleeping so i can stay in my dreams. i'm hoping that the coming warmth of spring will breathe life back. warmth will do that to you. trying to pinpoint the source of friction is not as easy as it would seem. maybe i'm just too lazy to even try. or maybe i'm in denial of something i'm too ashamed to admit.
a few days ago on regular, old-fashion network television the movie Cast Away was shown. i didn't see it, i just listend to it from another room afar. every sound and piece of dialogue was still vivid in my memory. i've seen that movie about 5 times since i first watched it at a theatre. i enjoyed that movie, and i still enjoy it to this day.
a little bit of hope was revealed to me when a good friend and her cousin came to sleep at my house. they're from overseas and were touring the Unites States with a Christian choir group called, the Levite Choir. they are an amazing group with amazing talents and gifts. i saw a bit of Christ in them, more so than usual in a man or woman. i felt their humbleness and gentleness. their freely-given kindness and sincerety and meagerness. such good qualities i hardly see or notice anymore. maybe i can't anymore because i'm so caloused. or maybe i never could because i'm not sensitive enough. or maybe such qualities are just rare these days.
needless to say, it would be so very easy to take the path of less resistence. i'm really tired right now from all the tug of war. i'm caught between two very massive worlds. career paths, respectability indices, family responsibilities, all the anguish that comes with living. life was never meant to be this way. damn that adam, and damn that eve, for eating that fruit. damn it.
a few days ago on regular, old-fashion network television the movie Cast Away was shown. i didn't see it, i just listend to it from another room afar. every sound and piece of dialogue was still vivid in my memory. i've seen that movie about 5 times since i first watched it at a theatre. i enjoyed that movie, and i still enjoy it to this day.
a little bit of hope was revealed to me when a good friend and her cousin came to sleep at my house. they're from overseas and were touring the Unites States with a Christian choir group called, the Levite Choir. they are an amazing group with amazing talents and gifts. i saw a bit of Christ in them, more so than usual in a man or woman. i felt their humbleness and gentleness. their freely-given kindness and sincerety and meagerness. such good qualities i hardly see or notice anymore. maybe i can't anymore because i'm so caloused. or maybe i never could because i'm not sensitive enough. or maybe such qualities are just rare these days.
needless to say, it would be so very easy to take the path of less resistence. i'm really tired right now from all the tug of war. i'm caught between two very massive worlds. career paths, respectability indices, family responsibilities, all the anguish that comes with living. life was never meant to be this way. damn that adam, and damn that eve, for eating that fruit. damn it.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
access granted mister.
i was issued an id badge that doubled as a means of accessing security gates. the first day of using the card i pulled out my notes that has my access code that i have to punch in after i scan my badge.
i thought i was all cool scanning my badge. i entered my access code and got a green light granting me access. i confidentally walk through and the alarm goes off. i ignored the alarm though cuz i was still playing it cool, trying not to panic. turns out that i did every correctly, except that i walked through the wrong side of the entrance. anybody who saw me instantly knew that i was a newbie. the receptionist lady quickly told me how to do it after that, right then and there.
next day, for some reason or another, the alarm goes off again. but nobody was around, not even the receptionist at the front desk. i continue to walk gingerly through the hallway, and sure enough the first person i see is the receptionist lady who happens to have no idea what just happened. she smiles and says, "good morning." i gave her a respectable smile and a nod.
the following day wasn't any better. i was walking fast cuz i was sorta running late. i stopped at the gate to scan my badge, but my legs went too far in due to my body's inertia. the alarm went off again. yet still i nonchalantly punched in my access code while the alarm was ringing which did absolutely nothing to remedy the noise and flashing red light. the same receptionist lady gives me this look of "huh, what are you doing, you clutz!?" the lady looks at me and after about 6 seconds she tells me, "it's time for coffee." she's kinda weird i think.
i thought i was all cool scanning my badge. i entered my access code and got a green light granting me access. i confidentally walk through and the alarm goes off. i ignored the alarm though cuz i was still playing it cool, trying not to panic. turns out that i did every correctly, except that i walked through the wrong side of the entrance. anybody who saw me instantly knew that i was a newbie. the receptionist lady quickly told me how to do it after that, right then and there.
next day, for some reason or another, the alarm goes off again. but nobody was around, not even the receptionist at the front desk. i continue to walk gingerly through the hallway, and sure enough the first person i see is the receptionist lady who happens to have no idea what just happened. she smiles and says, "good morning." i gave her a respectable smile and a nod.
the following day wasn't any better. i was walking fast cuz i was sorta running late. i stopped at the gate to scan my badge, but my legs went too far in due to my body's inertia. the alarm went off again. yet still i nonchalantly punched in my access code while the alarm was ringing which did absolutely nothing to remedy the noise and flashing red light. the same receptionist lady gives me this look of "huh, what are you doing, you clutz!?" the lady looks at me and after about 6 seconds she tells me, "it's time for coffee." she's kinda weird i think.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
limbo.
i just dont get it. am i in limbo? and whatever does that mean? heck, i'll just say the word because it sounds wickedly neat. limbo. i should start setting that mindset that everything is a life lesson. because i would like to believe that everything is.
to be continued...
to be continued...
Saturday, February 18, 2006
eww, gross!
The world looks mighty good to me
'cause Tootsie Rolls are all I see.
Whatever it is I think I see
becomes a Tootsie Roll to me.
Tootsie Roll how I love your chocolatey chew,
Tootsie Roll I think I'm in love with you.
Whatever it is I think I see
becomes a Tootsie Roll to me.
i'm really not so fond of tootsie rolls. really, i'm not.
'cause Tootsie Rolls are all I see.
Whatever it is I think I see
becomes a Tootsie Roll to me.
Tootsie Roll how I love your chocolatey chew,
Tootsie Roll I think I'm in love with you.
Whatever it is I think I see
becomes a Tootsie Roll to me.
i'm really not so fond of tootsie rolls. really, i'm not.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
middle east nuclear holy war crisis
i understand that wars, natural disasters, and famines must come to pass. i also keep reading in various sources that the future, notably prophecies that have yet to occur, is not exactly set in stone. in others, people have an active influence on prophecy, and that prophetic visions are mere likelihoods. this imminent things going on right now in the middle east is nonetheless disturbing. if the U.S. strikes Iran's nuclear sites then we can just kiss peace good bye, cuz we've just invited ourselves into a damn holy war. i really have a bad feeling about this.
Thursday, February 9, 2006
thursday's productivity
to live infamously, precariously, and bodaciously. that is the key to the universe, single-dimensionally speaking, of course. brushing up on some rusted hinges on inner workings. ouch my shoulder hurts. twas a vicious cycle. i mean a vicious day. i mean a victim of a vicious day, me. suffocated in a big bag, my bag, a bag of wood and bricks. oh my God the end is coming near. Israel oh israel, open your beautiful eyes. Iran oh iran, close your fierce hand. and cut your nasty fingernails. and your toenails. dietary supplemental nirvana, oh yes, indeed. fourteen years ago i was almost eaten by king kong with banana breath. got into a big earthquake too. but i survived, can you believe? i dont care. cuz im the fastest typer in the west. i mean im the fastest typer in the south. never ate snails, nope, never will. im too smart for that. unless i can touch my ears with my tongue, i wont even try it. television used to be the bomb. now everything on it has bombed or is bombing. muppet babies, er babies of muppets, er baby muppets, them were bombs too. no, make that nuclear bombs. let my people go, you bastards. otherwise ill blow a bubble from gum tainted with aspartame. i had three cups of coffee de stars. i mean i spent three bucks for coffee. anyway do liberate yourself and pick your nose. do it infront of the president of your local library. or feed it to a hamster. sailing is for pirates not for geeks. yuppy are them magnolias. yummy are them raisin cookies. yucky are them public toilets. and yolky are them egg yolks. break my chains oh you colossals of fantastics. you heaps of the earth which i love your earthy smell, very much like roasted coffee beans from Kenya. i love you. oh yes i do.
Tuesday, February 7, 2006
interviews and going overseas, again.
so today was a full one mixed with interviews, running errands, making errands, driving here, driving there, making phone calls, receiving phone calls, yada yada yada. i didn't realize that i hadn't eaten. and it got so bad that i started getting really hot (this happens to when my body tries to tell me that i'm starving). so it seems like i prematurely accepted an offer. but i think it's the right choice for now.
things with the overseas plan, teaching folks how to read, write, and converse using the English language, looks to be more likely now. i really can't wait to go, again, and i'm so excited.
making decisions like these, decisions that can affect the course of your life, can be tough to make. but lately choices like these are so simple to make. i guess you can call me a free man, no longer a salve. chains have been broken, and i'm no longer bound by what-if's, at least not now, least not anymore.
things with the overseas plan, teaching folks how to read, write, and converse using the English language, looks to be more likely now. i really can't wait to go, again, and i'm so excited.
making decisions like these, decisions that can affect the course of your life, can be tough to make. but lately choices like these are so simple to make. i guess you can call me a free man, no longer a salve. chains have been broken, and i'm no longer bound by what-if's, at least not now, least not anymore.
Sunday, February 5, 2006
not another funeral
i've 3 friends via my parents being good friends with their parents.
today was their father's funeral. he passed away less than 48 hours ago from diabetes.
people i know go to weddings, but seems like i go to funerals.
today was their father's funeral. he passed away less than 48 hours ago from diabetes.
people i know go to weddings, but seems like i go to funerals.
Saturday, February 4, 2006
intensity rising.
no, im not talking about the weather, although it feels immensily wonderful, the sun breathing down its warmth and all.
no, what i'm talking about is my life in dallas. no, my life, period. i'm going through the normal process of sifting thru job openings and the usual interviews. but im not real clear where im going.
in addition, my church closed its doors, and is scheduled to launch a "preview service" in less than 4 weeks (february 26th). this is crazy. but i guess there really is no other way if we are to keep moving with the changing world we live in. it is true. if you slack off, even for a moment's breath, you are already behind.
so why all the rising intensity business? to put it simply, i don't know where im at with all this change and the direction of the remnants of my former church. i really don't know what to think of "3rd culture." i don't know what to think of church service involving highly expensive on-stage and off-stage equipment. and where does God want me in all this? where and how does He like me to be?
i gotta keep praying about this in addition to everything else concerning my life. i've been slacking in this for much more than a moment's breath these days. ciao.
no, what i'm talking about is my life in dallas. no, my life, period. i'm going through the normal process of sifting thru job openings and the usual interviews. but im not real clear where im going.
in addition, my church closed its doors, and is scheduled to launch a "preview service" in less than 4 weeks (february 26th). this is crazy. but i guess there really is no other way if we are to keep moving with the changing world we live in. it is true. if you slack off, even for a moment's breath, you are already behind.
so why all the rising intensity business? to put it simply, i don't know where im at with all this change and the direction of the remnants of my former church. i really don't know what to think of "3rd culture." i don't know what to think of church service involving highly expensive on-stage and off-stage equipment. and where does God want me in all this? where and how does He like me to be?
i gotta keep praying about this in addition to everything else concerning my life. i've been slacking in this for much more than a moment's breath these days. ciao.
Wednesday, February 1, 2006
recycled coffee beans
i went to starbucks today to get a bag of Ethiopian coffee beans for my mother. as i was walking out i saw a big pale of over-sized starbucks bags. these free bags are grounded coffee beans (used). why would somebody take one of these bags of used coffee beans you say? why for compost of course. if you're a gardener or just pretend to be, take a bag of starbucks' used grounded coffee beans. i took two.
Monday, January 30, 2006
feelings of blankness
all in one month, my lease to my apartments comes to a close, my career in the games industry comes to an end, and the church i attend closes its doors. this is insane, just bloody insane!
my head is empty with feelings of blankness...except for this one trace of thought:
"What's the name of that lotion?"
my hands and arms smell of something wonderful and soothing. it might be lavender. this makes me wonder why i havent been to Bath & Body Works in such a while.
i need to make a point to shop there again.
my head is empty with feelings of blankness...except for this one trace of thought:
"What's the name of that lotion?"
my hands and arms smell of something wonderful and soothing. it might be lavender. this makes me wonder why i havent been to Bath & Body Works in such a while.
i need to make a point to shop there again.
Friday, January 27, 2006
life's adventure
What happens when you put 3 red, ripe strawberries, 4 plump blueberries, and 1 cup of pure apple-juice into a blender and steadily blend for 1 minute?
okay, that was a very very bad analogy - but a blended drink is kinda how i feel right now. i mean, there's gotta be a clear answer to why i'm here, in dallas, in the united states. or maybe im not suppose to be here. i guess the notion of not having a driving purpose of adding to my career like most people is what's getting me all psyched out. not that im psycho; although some people might think i am. but i'd like to believe and trust that where i go is where God leads me. otherwise i seriously doubt i could muster up any respectible amount of motivation.
someone i respect once told me that the adventures i seek in life are not the only adventures that God has to offer. the greater and more fulfilling adventure is going through life itself.
i held on to those words ever since.
Psalm 37:3-7.
okay, that was a very very bad analogy - but a blended drink is kinda how i feel right now. i mean, there's gotta be a clear answer to why i'm here, in dallas, in the united states. or maybe im not suppose to be here. i guess the notion of not having a driving purpose of adding to my career like most people is what's getting me all psyched out. not that im psycho; although some people might think i am. but i'd like to believe and trust that where i go is where God leads me. otherwise i seriously doubt i could muster up any respectible amount of motivation.
someone i respect once told me that the adventures i seek in life are not the only adventures that God has to offer. the greater and more fulfilling adventure is going through life itself.
i held on to those words ever since.
Psalm 37:3-7.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
a new vision
i consider this new computer i ordered as an investment. it is going to be the physical tool for my new career with my still-theoretical new company that is tentatively called Media Synthesis Production Cow Enterprises, Inc. it is my first AMD processor PC. but i do have these reservations, because somehow i know that i'd be happier being a waiter or a chef instead.
anyway, i came up with a list of alernative names:
Media Cow
Massive Cow
Massive Media Cow
Massive Cow Media
Stunning Cow
Stunning Cow Concepts
Stunning Cow Productions
Stunning Cow Creations
Stunning Creations
Media Creations
Creative Cows
...as you can see, im really stuck on cow.
anyway, i came up with a list of alernative names:
Media Cow
Massive Cow
Massive Media Cow
Massive Cow Media
Stunning Cow
Stunning Cow Concepts
Stunning Cow Productions
Stunning Cow Creations
Stunning Creations
Media Creations
Creative Cows
...as you can see, im really stuck on cow.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
my last 3 fortunes.
I found my last 3 fortunes from my last 3 fortune cookies to be noteworthy enough to pin them up on my wall. But upon reading the 3rd fortune, which i opened today for lunch, i found it too accurate to not react to it.
My reaction: Laughter
My reaction: Laughter
the three fortunes
Monday, January 23, 2006
what next?
finally, it is done. my life as a professional electronic game developer has come to an end.
now....bring on that horizon.
now....bring on that horizon.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Messiah
believe in me and i will save you from yourself.
i am the avatar, the only begotten son of god.
i am called your dear leader, your savior.
i am your fuhrer.
let me take your burden, let me show you the way.
let me lead you to the new age,
the thousand year reich,
nirvana.
i will appear dressed and masked according to your hopes, fears, visions, and divine expectations.
to those who follow me,
i am the second coming of christ, the maitreya, the krishna.
i am your final prophet.
tho those who disbelieve in me,
i am the antichrist,
the false prophet.
few recognize me when i walk the earth.
they expect the messiahs of the past to return in their future.
they do not clear the dust of their expectations off their ancient prophecies to see me as i am.
they expect me to strengthen their traditions,
but i always come as a destroyer of their past.
i come to preach a new law, a new dispensation,
a new world order.
i am the apocalypse, the holocaust, the end of history.
i am your messiah.
born of many virgins from many lands and historical times.
i am foretold inthe bible, the gita, the torah.
i lurk in the book of revelation and hide in the little red book of mao.
i have been many in the past, and your prophecies from around the world depict me returning by the dozens in the near future.
i am coming back.
in your dreams, in your nightmares,
in your tomorrows.
- Messiahs
i am the avatar, the only begotten son of god.
i am called your dear leader, your savior.
i am your fuhrer.
let me take your burden, let me show you the way.
let me lead you to the new age,
the thousand year reich,
nirvana.
i will appear dressed and masked according to your hopes, fears, visions, and divine expectations.
to those who follow me,
i am the second coming of christ, the maitreya, the krishna.
i am your final prophet.
tho those who disbelieve in me,
i am the antichrist,
the false prophet.
few recognize me when i walk the earth.
they expect the messiahs of the past to return in their future.
they do not clear the dust of their expectations off their ancient prophecies to see me as i am.
they expect me to strengthen their traditions,
but i always come as a destroyer of their past.
i come to preach a new law, a new dispensation,
a new world order.
i am the apocalypse, the holocaust, the end of history.
i am your messiah.
born of many virgins from many lands and historical times.
i am foretold inthe bible, the gita, the torah.
i lurk in the book of revelation and hide in the little red book of mao.
i have been many in the past, and your prophecies from around the world depict me returning by the dozens in the near future.
i am coming back.
in your dreams, in your nightmares,
in your tomorrows.
- Messiahs
time to narrow it down.
i can say that my life has been spent trying to be neutral with everybody. neutral as in not making enemies and not making best friends. although i have had atleast 2 best friends, i can also say that those days are gone.
i think it is about time that i begin to invest heavier into my friends. no more neutrality. no more mere acquaintances. i want to make it a priority to make friends that are deeper in meaning and stronger in relationship than i've ever known or had before.
i think it is about time that i begin to invest heavier into my friends. no more neutrality. no more mere acquaintances. i want to make it a priority to make friends that are deeper in meaning and stronger in relationship than i've ever known or had before.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
what's wrong with me?
if I knew that something was impossible, would it be foolish to believe it is possible?
call it denial, call it a fantasy, call it whatever you wish...but i'd rather wait forever and believe the impossible than give up.
i can not be content to merely survive.
call it denial, call it a fantasy, call it whatever you wish...but i'd rather wait forever and believe the impossible than give up.
i can not be content to merely survive.
recovering from the cold
You guide me through the dark
You calm my fearful heart
I will rest in you
You give me perfect peace
Fulfill my deepest need
I will rest in you
God, shining like the sun
Let Your kingdom come
I want to be with you
In Your presence
I'm here to give You praise
You take my breath away
Now I'm here with You
In Your presence
Your kindness draws me in
Now I'm with You once again
I will rest in You
My God who reigns on high
To You alone I cry
I will rest in You
God, shining like the sun
Let Your kingdom come
I want to be with you
In Your presence
I'm here to give You praise
You take my breath away
Now I'm here with You
In Your presence
~ Phil Wickham
I will rest in you
You give me perfect peace
Fulfill my deepest need
I will rest in you
God, shining like the sun
Let Your kingdom come
I want to be with you
In Your presence
I'm here to give You praise
You take my breath away
Now I'm here with You
In Your presence
Your kindness draws me in
Now I'm with You once again
I will rest in You
My God who reigns on high
To You alone I cry
I will rest in You
God, shining like the sun
Let Your kingdom come
I want to be with you
In Your presence
I'm here to give You praise
You take my breath away
Now I'm here with You
In Your presence
~ Phil Wickham
Monday, January 16, 2006
committing, slowly.
so now i'm committed, atleast more so than before.
after spending incredible moments with my large circle of famiy, i 've been reminded of what is important in this world for us human beings.
currently at the edge of pressing forward on moving my body out of this land in which i grew up in, this place called Dallas, this place everybody refers to as the Lone Star State and brags about its ranking as the second largest in the nation. my first chance i let it pass, and it was a big chance too. but i eagerly let that one go. the second time around, i will grab hold a little tighter.
i don't think i'm cut out for life in on the west coast. California might prove to be too much for me. most likely it will be too much for me. but i figure i give it a shot. not sure where God would like me to be.... and not sure how all this is going to unfold... but i guess it's all part of the adventure.
after spending incredible moments with my large circle of famiy, i 've been reminded of what is important in this world for us human beings.
currently at the edge of pressing forward on moving my body out of this land in which i grew up in, this place called Dallas, this place everybody refers to as the Lone Star State and brags about its ranking as the second largest in the nation. my first chance i let it pass, and it was a big chance too. but i eagerly let that one go. the second time around, i will grab hold a little tighter.
i don't think i'm cut out for life in on the west coast. California might prove to be too much for me. most likely it will be too much for me. but i figure i give it a shot. not sure where God would like me to be.... and not sure how all this is going to unfold... but i guess it's all part of the adventure.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
8:43pm
can't remember when, but i've been since drinking at least a mug of coffee every morning.
even on weekends i feel like going to a local coffee shop and get my fix.
and i try to convince myself that i'm not addicted, no i'm not, i can't be.
but in that exact same pattern of thought i convince myself that i am, because i am addicted.
at the office i honestly believe that i am the best coffee maker.
nobody makes coffee like i do.
even though i'm here late in the office, not doing any work really, i feel these waves of joy,
like a seizure stimulating my brain from left to right, and right to left.
the strange and funny thing is that i can't figure out why i'm getting this positive turbulance.
i'd like to believe that certain burdens have been lifted. i can certainly hope can't i?
strange that i feel this way because there be 1,000 things i wish to change about myself.
if i could go in for an "upgrade" i swear - cross my heart and hope to die - i'd be a better person.
nah. no burdens have been lifted. no revelations. no one thing is making me feel this.
rather i think it's the deafening silence in the office.
the darkness, the stillness, the quietness.
i'm alone here, and it's giving me a chance to subconsciously sift through some thoughts and allow me to reorganize and reprioritize what's relevant to me.
now, i believe, it is time to go home.
5:58pm
even on weekends i feel like going to a local coffee shop and get my fix.
and i try to convince myself that i'm not addicted, no i'm not, i can't be.
but in that exact same pattern of thought i convince myself that i am, because i am addicted.
at the office i honestly believe that i am the best coffee maker.
nobody makes coffee like i do.
even though i'm here late in the office, not doing any work really, i feel these waves of joy,
like a seizure stimulating my brain from left to right, and right to left.
the strange and funny thing is that i can't figure out why i'm getting this positive turbulance.
i'd like to believe that certain burdens have been lifted. i can certainly hope can't i?
strange that i feel this way because there be 1,000 things i wish to change about myself.
if i could go in for an "upgrade" i swear - cross my heart and hope to die - i'd be a better person.
nah. no burdens have been lifted. no revelations. no one thing is making me feel this.
rather i think it's the deafening silence in the office.
the darkness, the stillness, the quietness.
i'm alone here, and it's giving me a chance to subconsciously sift through some thoughts and allow me to reorganize and reprioritize what's relevant to me.
now, i believe, it is time to go home.
5:58pm
thank God my mom insisted i get a bed.
it's not really a bed. it's a folding bed. really cool stuff!
the reason why im so thankful for a bed is because they just won't die! them roaches just keep coming! i sprayed 2 tiny roaches and like 3 the size of your pinky toe nail. this Raid spray works like a charm too. roaches die almost instantly. but there was this one roach on the floor. it was so big i actually didnt see it. i mean that's how big it was, maybe about the size of one of your big toe nails. and it was sitting on top of this sheet of paper.
i swear to God, the worst sound in the world is the scratching noise that a giant bug (like a roach) makes when it walks on a sheet of paper. i think it just might be worse than a cat that's crying (like when it's in heat). i came home late today wanting to go straight to bed. but i can't...not after killing 5 roaches. besides, the place stinks like Raid. to say the least, i am looking forward to moving in with my parents again, for a while.
the reason why im so thankful for a bed is because they just won't die! them roaches just keep coming! i sprayed 2 tiny roaches and like 3 the size of your pinky toe nail. this Raid spray works like a charm too. roaches die almost instantly. but there was this one roach on the floor. it was so big i actually didnt see it. i mean that's how big it was, maybe about the size of one of your big toe nails. and it was sitting on top of this sheet of paper.
i swear to God, the worst sound in the world is the scratching noise that a giant bug (like a roach) makes when it walks on a sheet of paper. i think it just might be worse than a cat that's crying (like when it's in heat). i came home late today wanting to go straight to bed. but i can't...not after killing 5 roaches. besides, the place stinks like Raid. to say the least, i am looking forward to moving in with my parents again, for a while.
Saturday, January 7, 2006
defeat
Friday afternoon, January 6th, 2006.The cancer was too much for her. Two years living with cancer after coming out of a coma is nothing less than success. Although defeated, she did not surrender. She fought till the end.
Now she lay, free from the struggle, the exhaustion, and the pains, waiting her burial at the bright-green mountain-hill valleys of sunny, southern California.
My aunt passed away at the ripe young age of 50. She left behind a husband and three beautiful kids, the youngest in highschool.
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