What a unique Christmas this has been. I learned this time that I'm surrounded by masks - disguise-wearing lies that dance while looking down and shunning every thing good and holy and pure. Officially my life is innocent like a child no more. And after all this I feel so much regret and so much sorrow for Mother, because she seems like the only source of warmth-giving light.
I've never seen a perfect marriage. Doubt I ever will. There's lots of pain associated with it. Complacencies, betrayals, nelgects, affairs - such evils seem all too common in today's twisted and rotting societies. I'd rather just die and enjoy the journey. But of course that ain't happenin'. I'm not lucky enough.
Tainted and corrupted is me for I anxiously seek the ready pleasures of the world. Decayed and withered is my heart for I growingly refuse to believe in a heaven that is a giant cube.
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