What's wrong with me? I mean seriously, what the hell is wrong with me!? I don't know a good thing when I see it. A bright, funny, and pretty girl basically serves herself to me on a silver plate and yet I don't take it. What the FREAK is wrong with me? Why was I so reluctant? Why was I so cautious, so timid, ... so stupid?
I'm tired of learning from my mistakes. I'm tired of feeling my heart squeezed so tight that tears come out of my eyes. Even as I write this now I feel the rolling waves of pain, the aftermath of a severed connection with another body and soul. But the real burden is not because of MY loss. No, the real burden is knowing that the other person is, just like me, crying from the inside out.
In a way it's all childish. We should all just stop this at once and begin basking in the glow of knowing that two people love each other. But I understand that this is not a perfect world. We tend to complicate things. Pride and selfishness gets in the way. Fears and anxieties kick in. Protocols and expectations interfere. Essentially, we play games.
Heaven forbid this be my destiny - a life of solitude. Partnerless, loveless solitude.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Fighting genetics till the day I die.
Some people are blessed with a full set of hair. A long, long time ago I was taught how you can predict whether someone will be bald or not. Basically if you have a big forehead then you are doomed for a receding hairline. On the other hand, a small forehead (a lower hairline) indicates that you are blessed and that you will likely never go bald.
I've been doing a ton of research on what makes us bald. And although genetics has a lot to do with it, it seems like there is hope in that there could be outside controllable factors that contribute to one's going bald. There are two major things i'd like to mention here: DHT and sebum. Both ingredients adversely affect the health of hair follicles.
To this day I've probably spend more than $1000, easily, on hair growth products such as Provillus, Procerin, Rogaine, Nioxin...etc. That figure doubles when you factor in all the desperate products my father spent. But today I spent another fortune on a new and promising product called Profollicle. My hopes are up from the splendid reviews and I will try my best to keep them up because of that almighty (and very real) placebo effect.
The sad thing is that a long, long time ago I fell on my head, and so I have a a malformed (cracked and dented) skull. So I can't just shave my head, even though I really want to. Maybe I should just wear hats.
I've been doing a ton of research on what makes us bald. And although genetics has a lot to do with it, it seems like there is hope in that there could be outside controllable factors that contribute to one's going bald. There are two major things i'd like to mention here: DHT and sebum. Both ingredients adversely affect the health of hair follicles.
To this day I've probably spend more than $1000, easily, on hair growth products such as Provillus, Procerin, Rogaine, Nioxin...etc. That figure doubles when you factor in all the desperate products my father spent. But today I spent another fortune on a new and promising product called Profollicle. My hopes are up from the splendid reviews and I will try my best to keep them up because of that almighty (and very real) placebo effect.
The sad thing is that a long, long time ago I fell on my head, and so I have a a malformed (cracked and dented) skull. So I can't just shave my head, even though I really want to. Maybe I should just wear hats.
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