What's wrong with me? I mean seriously, what the hell is wrong with me!? I don't know a good thing when I see it. A bright, funny, and pretty girl basically serves herself to me on a silver plate and yet I don't take it. What the FREAK is wrong with me? Why was I so reluctant? Why was I so cautious, so timid, ... so stupid?
I'm tired of learning from my mistakes. I'm tired of feeling my heart squeezed so tight that tears come out of my eyes. Even as I write this now I feel the rolling waves of pain, the aftermath of a severed connection with another body and soul. But the real burden is not because of MY loss. No, the real burden is knowing that the other person is, just like me, crying from the inside out.
In a way it's all childish. We should all just stop this at once and begin basking in the glow of knowing that two people love each other. But I understand that this is not a perfect world. We tend to complicate things. Pride and selfishness gets in the way. Fears and anxieties kick in. Protocols and expectations interfere. Essentially, we play games.
Heaven forbid this be my destiny - a life of solitude. Partnerless, loveless solitude.
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